


Almost Three

by fairytaleslayer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Live as an eighteen year old until you meet your soulmate, Soulmate AU, Suicidal Thoughts, clarke always lives, lexa always lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People age until they’re eighteen, and are then frozen in time until they meet their soul mate. After that, they grow old together. Plain and simple. That’s the deal. Only, in Clarke’s case, the universe doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo.</p><p>Or</p><p>Waiting over a century for your soul mate really fucking sucks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clarke

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this fic before 3.07, and after, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to write fluff, so I went for the angsty idea. Word of caution, there is mention/implied thoughts of suicide in here, so avoid that if you're triggered. But there's always a happy ending. Lesbian-death free zone here, people.

The blaring of the alarm began Clarke’s day the same way as thousands previous. She groaned, shut it off, and sat up, staring emptily at the wall. This morning, like every morning, she ran through the three options for how her day could go.

One – she could find her soulmate.

Clarke grunted out a noise that might have been amusement. That wasn’t going to happen, if the past hundred years or so was any indication.

Two – She could go to school and keep working on that third degree – biology, this time.

Clarke had spent quite a number of years going through the starving artist routine, which she’d only been able to do because of the sizable inheritance her parents had left her. After she’d grown tired of being directionless, she went back to school and got her nursing degree, built up her savings again, and now was working on biology and aiming for medical school. Clarke figured that at the rate she was going, she could become one of the most experienced doctors in history and work for a few hundred years at that. She probably wouldn’t get bored if she chose the right specialty.

But then there was option three. One that grew more tempting for every year that passed. Use the syringe she’d stolen from work and periodically replaced with a fresh one and stop fighting.

The deal was, people grew normally until they were eighteen and then they stopped aging until they found their soulmate. Then, the couple could grow old together at the same pace. It sounded great to Clarke when she was a kid and saw her parents and how much they loved each other. By all accounts, it _was_ great.

Unless you didn’t find your soulmate. Which Clarke hadn’t. Just over one hundred and two years of waiting – _after_ turning eighteen, so one hundred and twenty in all – searching every strange face in the hopes that they would be the one, and Clarke was over the whole thing. At this point, she just wanted to meet her soulmate so she could jumpstart her aging process once more, and not even deal with the actual person.

She got so angry, sometimes. Her parents had died more than fifty years ago, nearly everyone she grew up with were either dead or old enough to be in a nursing home. If it hadn’t been for Raven and Octavia, Clarke thought she may have offed herself a while ago.

“Griff! Get up! You’re gonna be late for class!” a voice yelled up the stairs. Speak of the devil.

Raven was her roommate Clarke’s first year of her third go-round through college. The younger girl was working on her second degree, and had been waiting for her soulmate for almost nineteen years. Now, three years later, Clarke and Raven still lived together, and Raven hadn’t found her soulmate yet either.

Clarke had met Octavia through Raven. They had been childhood friends, along with a group of others. Octavia, of course, had met her soulmate, Lincoln, when she was five and he was nine. They’d been inseparable their entire lives and Lincoln only waited four years for Octavia to age up before they began growing old again together.

It hurt to be around Octavia and Lincoln sometimes, although Clarke was an expert at hiding it by now after a century of watching people age around her. They looked like they were in their late thirties at this point, and were still disgustingly in love. That was the hard part for Clarke. Despite her anger – at the world, her soulmate, herself, she didn’t know anymore – she still wanted to love someone as much as those two loved each other. She’d enjoyed way more than one fling and one night stand over the years, and even had a couple serious relationships, but those always ended with her partner finding their soulmate. No relationship could survive that, and Clarke knew it going in. But it still hurt whenever someone she genuinely cared for found the person they were actually meant to be with.

“I’m coming Rae! Don’t get your panties in a twist!” she called back before face planting back into her pillow.

Her soulmate had to be dead.

That was the only possibility that made sense anymore. Most of the population had found their soulmate within twenty years of turning eighteen. Scientists couldn’t explain why it seemed that soulmates were often born in near proximity to each other, though not for lack of trying. There were a few outliers where it took longer – between thirty and fifty years. That usually happened if two people were born in separate countries.

It was rare to be stuck for more than fifty years, and Clarke reaching a century was nearly unheard of. It had only happened a few times throughout known history, and more than half the time it was because the person’s soulmate had died before they met. Usually the one left behind ended up killing themselves rather than be stuck living alone for eternity. It was a daunting prospect, and one Clarke did not plan on testing.

She was waiting for Raven and Octavia. Once they were gone, she’d have nothing to hold her on this godforsaken planet any longer.

“Clarke, seriously, you have to go,” Raven’s voice broke into her morbid thoughts.

Clarke started, jerking her head to the doorway where her best friend fidgeted impatiently. “I have fifteen minutes Rae,” she said wearily. “May I remind you that you’re the one that’s always late to everything?”

Raven scoffed. “Why rush when you have all the time in the world?”

The blonde dropped her gaze and stared at her comforter blankly. “Yeah,” she muttered darkly. “What’s the rush?”

Raven’s face fell. “Shit, I’m sorry Clarke,” she apologized. Sincerely, for once. “I didn’t mean to –”

“It’s fine, Raven.” Clarke pulled herself together and tried to give her friend some semblance of a smile. “I shouldn’t be that sensitive about it.”

“Still. I’ll drive you to school if you want to wait a little longer?” Raven offered.

Clarke shook her head. “No, I’ll walk.” The two mile walk to school was often the best part of Clarke’s day. Being surrounded by people of all different ages was soothing – knowing that they were living somehow made her feel better. Plus it gave her the opportunity to look at a bunch of different faces, seeing if anyone caught her attention. It was a lie she told herself everyday – that it could still happen, that she may find her soulmate randomly in a Chicago crowd – and it was never convincing.

“Okay, babe. Whatever you want. Just –” Clarke looked up when Raven hesitated. “Be safe, alright? Take a jacket. It’s starting to get cold out.”

“Sure, Mom,” Clarke mocked, pleased when she got an annoyed laugh out of Raven. “Get out of here so I can get dressed.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, Princess,” Raven drawled even as she obliged and went back to the kitchen.

So maybe Clarke had slept with Raven a year ago. No big deal, and it had only been once. They were both lonely, a bit drunk, and it had seemed like a good idea at the time. It had made them feel good for a night, and the pair hadn’t let it grow awkward after.

Clarke sighed, tugging open the drawer next to her bed. There was the syringe, safe and sound and sitting at 2.5 cc, more than enough morphine to do the job quickly and painlessly. Raven was forbidden from entering her room when Clarke wasn’t around specifically so she wouldn’t find Clarke’s secret. Neither she nor Octavia knew of her plan for when they were gone, and she intended to keep it that way. They would be pissed if they ever found out.

“GRIFFIN! Get your ass out of bed and get to school!” Raven yelled up the stairs one last time, distracting Clarke from her staring at the drug that would eventually give her freedom.

Groaning, Clarke slammed the drawer shut and finally pushed the sheets off her legs and grabbed the jeans she wore yesterday from the floor, tugging them on, followed by her old Oregon University sweatshirt from her second stint of college, which she’d also worn yesterday. Who cared if she wore the same outfit as the day before? It wasn’t like she talked to anybody besides Raven anyways, unless she got put in a group project and was forced to socialize with her classmates.

That was torture in and of itself. They were just so _young_. And immature, which was annoying, but mostly just young and carefree. Which was worse. Some had soulmates, some didn’t – but they’d just begun their search so they weren’t damaged yet. Hadn’t yet experienced just how cruel the world could be. They still had hope.

 _Hope_ , Clarke scoffed as she trudged down the stairs. She’d run out of that about fifty years ago.

“’bout time,” Raven scolded, handing her a warm foil packet and her backpack. “Now go, before I beat your ass.”

Clarke took the offerings, touched. “Thanks, Rae.”

Raven’s face softened briefly. “Anytime babe. Now, get out of here.” She ushered Clarke out the front door. “Have a good day at school!” she teased as Clarke walked down the block. Clarke stuck her middle finger high in the air, making Raven laugh loudly.

Clarke genuinely smiled for the first time all day. Lately it seemed the only things that made her happy anymore were school and being with Raven. She loved Octavia too, but as she and Lincoln got older, Clarke found it more and more difficult to be around her while she herself remained unchanging. With Raven, at least they were both stuck.

She adored Raven, and knew the feeling was mutual. Raven made sure she ate at least twice a day when often she’d rather just go straight to bed after getting home from class, she made her get up to even go to class, and she even managed to get Clarke to go out some nights. Every once in a while, Clarke wished that they could have been soulmates – she thought slipping into a relationship would have been simple. But they weren’t, and that was that. Raven was her best friend, and Clarke could deal with that.

Clarke was lost in thought as she walked, going over what she needed to talk with her advisor about. She didn’t really want or need to talk to him, given that she was a good six decades older than him and smarter, but it was required.

A boy yelling happily caught her attention. Clarke dragged her eyes from the concrete in front of her, finally taking notice of her surroundings. She’d somehow blindly walked a mile without running into a person or a pole, which was a minor miracle. Clarke liked Chicago, liked its energy, its history, but the streets were packed at all hours and difficult to navigate unless she was paying attention. So she kept her gaze up, scanning around half-heartedly at peoples’ faces, vaguely looking for any person that might set off some bells.

Unlike every other day for the last nearly eight decades, one face stood out. Clarke froze in place. “Dad?” she whispered disbelievingly. The man walking twenty feet in front of her looked up, and Clarke’s stomach dropped to her feet. _Fucking stupid,_ she cursed at herself. The other man might have hair that looked like her father’s, but once she saw his face, it was clear that they were very different. His eyes were not her father’s kind blue ones, his nose was wrong, and he was too short. It was just Clarke’s wishes getting the better of her – Jake had died almost eighty years ago.

Clarke looked down, trying in vain not to cry as anonymous people wove around her, ignoring the girl in front of them that had tears in her eyes. Her parents hadn’t lived to see their only child find her soulmate. They’d grown old, watching their daughter lose hope with every year that someday she might get that chance as well. When her father died, he’d made her promise not to give up – that she would keep living, keep looking. And she had. For a while. But it was too much. Clarke didn’t want to do it anymore.

A strong body slamming into her back was enough to pull Clarke from her depressed remembrance and send her sprawling to the ground. She yelped, catching herself with her hands and knees, scraping both. She hissed as blood welled up in her palms.

“I’m so sorry!” a soft voice apologized frantically. “I wasn’t looking – I didn’t see you.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Clarke groaned, rubbing her slightly bloody hands on her black jeans as she rolled over onto her back. She was _so_ going to be late for class. It was biochemistry too – her favorite. “Look, it’s fine. I just really have to get to class…” she trailed off when she saw the girl who had knocked her down.

She was gorgeous. Wild brown hair hanging over one shoulder in curls, very green eyes staring at her with worry. “I’m so sorry,” the beautiful girl apologized once more, a soft accent making her voice even more intriguing. “Here, let me help you.” She reached down a hand, and Clarke was glad for the assistance.

Once their skin came into contact, though, everything in Clarke’s brain shut down. She could only stare, as everything she thought she knew shifted. _No fucking way_.

“You,” the other girl whispered reverently.

The world restarted, and all Clarke could feel was anger. She shoved the offending hand away from her body, hauling herself to her feet and leaving the other girl behind.

“Hey! Wait!” the brunette protested, running up and grabbing Clarke’s wrist.

“Don’t touch me!” Clarke snarled, spinning to confront the girl.

She put both hands in the air, trying to seem non-threatening. “I’m sorry,” was her soft reply. She seemed to be apologizing a lot, Clarke noticed, before she shook that thought off. “Can we please just talk?”

Clarke scoffed. “Yeah. Could have used that talk a while ago.” She turned to go, but turned back when she heard footsteps behind her again. “No,” she growled, her voice cracking with barely held back tears. “You don’t get to follow me. You want to talk? You can wait another few decades until we run into each other again.”

With that, she finally got away, leaving the stunned brunette behind, tears streaming down both of their cheeks.

* * *

Clarke slumped into a seat in the very back row, trying not to notice the professor glance at her disapprovingly for being twenty minutes late. It wasn’t her fault.

She tried to pay attention to the lecture. She really did. But the metabolism of glucose was not high on her priority list, especially when she’d learned it twenty years ago. Some of the names were different, but the same principles applied. Instead, her mind was consumed by thoughts of the girl she’d left standing there alone, and guilt niggled its way into her mind. The brunette had seemed to be in shock, like Clarke was the last thing she was ever expecting to see. How long had she been waiting?

Clarke pushed the thought away. She had to focus on herself. What was she going to do? After a hundred and twenty years of waiting, she’d just – walked away. She was still _so_ angry for having been left alone all that time, but what if she never saw the girl again? Their aging had been restarted as soon as their skin came into direct contact. She might grow old without ever learning the girl’s name.

Sighing, Clarke pulled out her phone. If she wasn’t going to internalize anything from her lecture, neither was Raven.

 **10:21 –** From Clarke: _I met her._

She put her phone down on her lap, waiting for Raven to get back to her. Her roommate didn’t take long.

 **10:22 –** From Raven: _HOLY FUCK NUGGETS!_

 **10:22 –** From Raven: _For real? Like for real, for real? Fuck. You met her???_

Clarke smiled just a tiny bit. Trust Raven to make things okay again.

 **10:22 –** From Clarke: _Yes, Rae for real. She ran me over on the sidewalk on the way to school._

 **10:23 –** From Raven: _Fuck, are you okay? Did you go home with her? Are you already having lots of gay sex? Are you done having the gay sex? Is she hot?_

Clarke bit her lip. Raven was going to be mad at her.

 **10:23 –** From Clarke: _Yes, she’s hot. And no. We’re not having sex. I don’t know where she is right now. I left her on the street and told her not to follow me._

There was a pause as Clarke waited for the lecture. Raven did not disappoint.

 **10:25 –** From Raven: _Motherfucker, Clarke! What the fuck were you thinking!!! You just LEFT her there? You left your soulmate standing in the street alone. Now you’re gonna make her wait, huh? Is this some kind of stupid revenge thing? You’re an idiot what if you never see her again?_

 **10:25 –** From Clarke: _I don’t know what I’m going to do Raven but you don’t know what it’s like. Wait until you’re stuck for a century waiting around for some person you don’t think exists anymore and then you’ll have the right to tell me how to deal with this._

 **10:26 –** From Raven: _Okay I’m sorry. But are you telling me that you’re just going to leave this girl alone for the rest of her life – haven’t you been separated long enough?_

 **10:27 –** From Clarke: _I might._

 **10:27 -** From Raven: _And then what? Live YOUR life alone some more, just now with getting old thrown in?_

 **10:27 -** From Clarke: _At least it will end at some point._

 **10:28 -** From Raven: _You don’t mean that…_

 **10:32 –** From Raven: _Come on. Talk to me._

 **10:37 –** From Raven: _Griffin?_

 **10:45 –** From Raven: _Clarke?_

Clarke ignored the texts for the time being. Class was coming to a close, and she had to figure out what she was going to do now. She dawdled, not wanting to get caught up in the mass exodus, and left the classroom when the coast was clear.

The classroom may have been empty, but the hallway was not. Clarke stopped stock still when she saw the girl who had run her over sitting on the cold tile across the way from the door, looking a little lost. Clarke hesitated, wondering what she should do. The girl had followed her, despite Clarke’s inexplicable rudeness and then running away.

“Why are you here?” Clarke asked, making an effort to not sound as angry and hurt as she still was. Because this girl was trying, at least. Clarke had yet to give her any encouragement, and she was still trying. Clarke figured she owed her at least some politeness.

The girl scrambled to her feet. “Please, I just want to talk,” she said quietly. She held out her hand. “I’m Lexa.”

Lexa met Clarke’s gaze, and all Clarke could think was that she had the saddest, most beautiful green eyes she’d ever seen. She was pissed still – or she was supposed to be pissed still, she wasn’t sure which one it was anymore – but she found herself wanting to know what could have possibly happened for the universe to fuck up so bad and make her wait for this gorgeous girl for a century. She wanted to know how long Lexa had waited for her – two days or twenty years or more.

So she shook Lexa’s hand, making Lexa’s face brighten up dramatically. “Clarke,” she mumbled. She let go and began walking. When she didn’t hear footsteps behind her, Clarke turned back to see Lexa still standing frozen, watching her go forlornly. “Come on, then. If you’re coming,” she called back, trying to sound impatient and not really succeeding.

Lexa very nearly tripped over herself to follow after Clarke. The blonde started walking again, Lexa’s footsteps behind her a comforting echo. And when did that happen? She was angry.

A few minutes later, it was becoming increasingly obvious that she was not as angry as she should have been. Or felt she should have been.

Clarke was confused.

Delicate fingers fluttered around the tender skin of the inside of Clarke’s wrist before they abruptly jerked away. Startled, Clarke looked over her shoulder to see Lexa staring at the ground, blushing hard.

“I – apologize, Clarke,” she murmured, barely loud enough for Clarke to hear over the noise of the Chicago streets. “I should not have touched you without permission.” Her subtle accent grew slightly thicker in her distress, and Clarke was surprised to find herself thinking that it was a little cute that Lexa was worried she had been inappropriate.

“It’s fine,” she dismissed, trying not to recall the shiver that ran down her back when Lexa said her name. They resumed their walk, Lexa now keeping a careful distance between them for fear of giving in to the temptation of feeling Clarke’s skin again.

The sensation building in Clarke’s fingers was like an itch she couldn’t scratch. Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore, and she reached out to take Lexa’s hand in her own, lacing their fingers together and gripping tight. A pain in her chest she hadn’t noticed eased as soon as their skin touched. Clarke thought she heard Lexa sigh in what might have been relief when she grabbed the other girl’s hand, but she wasn’t sure.

It was another endless twenty minutes before they reached Clarke’s apartment building. Lexa waited silently as Clarke let them in, following her up the stairs on quiet feet. “My roommate’s not home,” Clarke informed her. “We can talk privately.”

Lexa nodded. She scuffed her shoes against the carpet, looking nervous. “I – I don’t really know what to say,” she admitted. “I didn’t expect this.”

“Yeah, well neither did I,” Clarke snapped, some of her anger coming back. “You were supposed to be dead. That’s the only reason I could accept for being stuck here for so long. For watching everyone else I love die. You had to be dead too.” Lexa flinched, but Clarke wasn’t done. “But here you are – in perfect health. And now the only thing I can think is that you were avoiding me, or some shit like that. That you didn’t, or don’t, want me. Which, fine. We’ve met, we’ve touched, we’re both aging again now – we can go on our merry way and pretend this never happened.”

“Is that what you want?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Until this morning, I thought so. After one hundred and twenty years, I was pretty damn sure I knew what I wanted. And it wasn’t you.”

Lexa nodded, biting her lip and blinking fast.

“But now I don’t know,” Clarke continued, her voice getting softer. “Because you’re here. And when I was in class, all I was doing was regretting walking away without at least getting your name because what if I never saw you again?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you,” Lexa denied quickly. “Until you tell me you don’t want me, I’ll be here.”

Clarke shook her head, trying to hold back tears.

“What?” Lexa questioned.

The blonde took a deep breath. “You can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because, Lexa! Because then how did the universe fuck up so badly?” Clarke asked, losing the battle to her tears. Lexa was crying as well, wanting to hold Clarke, but knowing she didn’t have that privilege yet. “How could things get so fucked up for over a century to pass for me and god knows how long for you? How long was it?” Clarke was surprised at how important it was that she know Lexa’s answer.

Lexa looked hesitant, like she didn’t want to reveal it.

“Lexa. How long? A week, a year, twenty, fifty, a hundred?”

Lexa stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to get control of herself. “Three,” she finally whispered, not meeting Clarke’s eyes.

“Three years?”

“No. Almost three hundred.”

Clarke crumpled to the ground, sliding down the wall until she could sit with her back against it, as if her last remaining anger had been the only thing keeping her standing and now without it, she didn’t have the strength anymore. “I’m sorry,” she apologized through her tears. “I’m sorry – I’m so fucking sorry.”

Soft hands cupped her face, making Clarke look into tear filled green eyes. “I never blamed you,” Lexa reassured her, wiping her tears.

“How could you not?” Clarke’s voice came out strangled. “It’s _my_ fault. All this time, I wanted to – and you – you hung on this long, and I couldn’t even –”

“You couldn’t what?” Lexa asked gently.

Clarke looked up at her soulmate with tortured eyes. “I couldn’t keep living,” she admitted finally. “I gave up. I was just waiting. Surviving. As soon as Raven was gone, I –” she couldn’t finish. Couldn’t give voice to what she had been so close to doing every day for the last fifteen years.

Lexa nodded, her mouth tilting up in a sad smile. “I understand. Me too.”

“How much longer?”

“Until my three hundredth birthday.”

“When is that?” Lexa looked down. Clarke put her fingers under the brunette’s chin to make the girl look at her. “When is it, Lexa?”

“Three days from now.”

Clarke grabbed Lexa by the shoulders, kissing her hard and then pulling Lexa into her. “Please don’t leave me. Please,” she begged.

Strong arms encircled her, holding tight. “Never,” Lexa promised, burying her head in Clarke’s neck.

* * *

Seven hours later, after a lot of crying, talking, and promises, Clarke and Lexa were in Clarke’s bed, exhausted and lying side by side. “You’re so much stronger than me,” Clarke murmured as they both stared at the ceiling.

“No,” Lexa denied. “I had so many people. My people. For so long. I _chose_ to go it alone over a century ago. You never had that choice.”

Despite her assurances, Clarke couldn’t believe how strong Lexa was, how selfless, and how willing to forgive. Clarke had barely made it past a hundred before she’d started losing her mind. Raven had helped, but she could only do so much. And here Lexa was, three centuries in, and still so open to having Clarke in her life.

“I’m sorry I made you wait so long,” Clarke apologized again.

“I watched the world grow. My people were warring clans, separated by bloodshed, and I brought them under one banner – a banner that still stands to this day. I am grateful for them, and for being allowed to see civilization advance from where we began,” Lexa described. “I could never regret that. It all led me here – to you. You were worth the wait.”

Clarke rolled over, crawling up so she could kiss Lexa for the second time. It felt even better than the one they shared hours ago and Clarke was looking forward to being able to kiss her a lot more in the years to come. “I will spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you,” she vowed.

Lexa smiled up at her beatifically. “You already do.” Clarke collapsed back onto the bed and they lay quietly for a while longer, basking in the reality of finally having found their soulmate. “It’s getting late,” Lexa broke the silence eventually. “I should probably go.”

Clarke grabbed her hand. “No, please. Stay,” she requested. “I’m worried I’ll wake up and this will all have been a dream.”

“Okay,” Lexa agreed. “I’ll stay.”

“Good night, Lexa,” Clarke whispered.

“Sleep well, Clarke,” Lexa replied.

They were quiet after that, but Clarke couldn’t fall asleep. Too much information was running through her head for her to have any hope of shutting down for the night. She could tell Lexa was having the same problem, although she didn’t move a muscle. Her breathing was too measured.

“Clarke?” Lexa finally spoke up an hour later.

The blond smiled, relieved. “Yeah?”

“Do you think – could we maybe – be closer?” Lexa asked hesitantly. “I am finding it – difficult – to fall asleep with you near but not touching.”

Clarke didn’t answer, but took Lexa’s hand and gently tugged her closer. Lexa seemed ready to stop there, but Clarke kept shifting her, encouraging Lexa onward until she was settled comfortably on top of Clarke, her head nestled in the crook of Clarke’s shoulder. They breathed out twin sighs of relief once they were skin on skin, both finally able to relax completely.

Sleep followed not long after.

* * *

That was how Raven found them when she got home from her last class. A brunette stranger was lying entirely on top of her friend, and they were both sound asleep. Unfortunately, she noticed, everyone had remained fully clothed.

“Damn,” she whispered, shutting Clarke’s door silently. Looked like she owed Octavia that hundred bucks after all.


	2. Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa used to be the leader of a nation. Now, she just travels the world, having resigned herself to the fact that she would look like a teenager until the day she died.
> 
> Or
> 
> Lexa's turning three hundred soon, and assumes that her soulmate is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the second part from Lexa's point of view! The response to the first chapter was amazing - I am in awe and I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much.
> 
> I am marking the story complete for now, but I have more that I want to delve into with this fic. We'll see if I can make those ideas a cohesive whole or not. Until then, assume that the story is complete.

Lexa was born Alexandria in the year 1718. Or at least, she thought so – her village didn’t keep very good track back then. But that was the year she went with whenever it came up in conversation, which wasn’t often. Being nearly three hundred years old tended to attract attention from the wrong kinds of people.

The Trikru nation was her home, although that wasn’t its name when Lexa was born. In those days, there were twelve separate clans, constantly at war with each other. Her parents had been soulmates and co-leaders of the Trigedakru clan, the first to share the title, and Lexa was born in the middle of their war against the Azgeda.

“Ste yuj, ai yongon,” had been her mother’s last words to her when Lexa was thirty, still with the fresh face of an eighteen year old. Her father had fallen in battle two years before, and now her mother was victim to assassination by poison.

“Sha, nomon,” Alexandria promised, holding back tears. Leaders didn’t cry. Her mother went still, the pain finally gone. “Yu gonplei ste odon,” Alexandria murmured, closing her mother’s eyes. Then, she got up, trudging to the opening of the healer’s tent where a crowd was gathered, anxious to hear of their Commander’s fate. “Heda is dead,” Alexandria announced. “Ai laik Heda.”

As one, her people knelt before her, swearing their loyalty to their new Commander. “Heda,” rumbled through the crowd as her people acknowledged Alexandria’s ascension.

“Titus, Indra, kom ai,” Alexandria ordered, heading straight for her mother’s war tent that she had grown up in, playing on the floor by her parents’ feet. Her parents’ advisors followed her dutifully.

“This ends, now,” Alexandria snarled as soon as they were alone. “Our people will never survive, let alone thrive, as long as this pointless war continues.”

“What do you suggest, Heda?” Indra questioned in her stoic manner.

“Titus, which clans could we count as allies if it were requested?” Alexandria asked her Fleimkampa and oldest tutor. Titus had been responsible for teaching her the ways of Heda when her parents had been indisposed, and Alexandria trusted him with her life.

“The Boat people, the Plains riders, Glowing Forest, Broadleaf, and the Lake people,” Titus answered promptly. “We currently have treaties with them, and ceasefires with the Blue Cliff clan and Shadow Valley. The others are aligned with the Azgeda,” he spat.

Alexandria nodded, thinking deeply. “What is your plan, Heda?” Indra asked once more.

“A Coalition,” she decided. “Open trade, travel, and no war. For all clans who accept. Those who oppose will be excluded entirely. The Azgeda and the Desert clan cannot survive without the trade they receive from other clans because of their home environment. They can join – or they can die.”

Her new advisors appeared shocked at decision. “Heda, this will not be an easy undertaking,” Titus cautioned.

“Well, I’m not growing older,” Alexandria sassed him a bit, as she used to when she was younger and without responsibilities. “It would appear I have all the time in the world for the Azgeda to submit.”

* * *

The Coalition was formed, under Alexandria’s command. Trigedakru’s allied clans looked to her as their commander, as the unity was her idea and mostly enforced by her clan. It took well over a decade, but reluctantly, the Azgeda were forced to submit to the young-looking Heda’s rule when their people began to suffer the consequences of the lack of trade and their routes out of the Az nation blocked.

The Az Queen, Nia, foolishly challenged Alexandria’s right to lead, and the new Heda took her first and what she hoped would be her last challenger’s blood as recompense, slaying the older woman in the ensuing duel.

The Prince of Azgeda took over his mother’s throne, and finally, Alexandria didn’t have to worry about the Azgeda. For the first time in her life, there was peace.

* * *

Alexandria woke suddenly and silently. It was dark out – dawn still a few hours away judging by the lack of light coming through the slit in her tent. The world was quiet, and she didn’t know what could have woken her. She was wary though. Her instincts were always right and they were telling her that she was in danger.

Quietly, the Heda slid out of her bed of furs and stalked to a darker corner of her tent. She tightly gripped the dagger that stayed under her pillow, ready for anything.

Sure enough, a small figure crept into her private quarters from the common area of her tent, knife gleaming in what little light was available. They stealthily approached Alexandria’s bed, raising the blade, only to freeze when they saw it was empty. The assassin turned to quickly retreat, but Alexandria was already moving.

She grabbed her would-be killer’s wrist of the hand that was holding the murder weapon and immobilized it against the person’s chest, pointing it at their own throat. Her other arm quickly wrapped around the assassin’s waist, holding her blade against their stomach, promising a slow death if the person moved. They stilled immediately.

“Who sent you?” Alexandria snarled quietly. “What clan?”

“Azgeda,” a feminine voice replied.

“Try again.” Alexandra pressed the tip of her blade into the girl’s abdomen, drawing first blood. “Roan is loyal and wants peace. He did not send you. Tell me the truth, and your death will be quick. Lie, and you’ll die by the poison that covers your blade. I doubt it would be an honorable death.” The blade went a little deeper into the assassin’s stomach.

The woman hissed and struggled, but Alexandria held firm. “Hod op en ron ai ridiyo op!” she ordered, wrenching the woman’s arm and bringing the poisoned knife closer to her skin.

The assassin tilted her head as far from the poison as she could. “Ask that Keeper of yours,” she growled.

Fury and betrayal washed through Alexandria, and she quickly slit the assassin’s throat. She let the body fall to the ground, and only then saw that it was Ontari – Nia’s daughter and deposed heir after Lexa had instated Roan as leader of the Az nation.

“Guards!” she yelled. There was no reply. Alexandria swept from her tent, to be greeted with the sight of her men lying dead at the opening of her tent. She howled internally at the loss, but stalked over to Indra’s tent. Titus’ betrayal had to be dealt with immediately.

Alexandria entered Indra’s domain without announcing herself, not wanting to draw attention in case other enemies were out there. “Indra, rise,” she commanded.

Her general and advisor woke instantly and scrambled to her feet. “Heda,” she murmured, nodding respectfully. “What is it you need?”

“Are you loyal to me, Indra?” Alexandria demanded.

If Indra had ever looked confused, it was now. “My life is yours, Heda,” she replied carefully.

Her Heda nodded. “Then you will arrest Titus and put him on the tree,” she ordered, voice angry.

“Titus?” Indra questioned. “Heda, what has happened?”

“Arrest Titus, Indra. Then I will explain. Take two warriors with you that you trust most.”

The general put her hand on her chest and nodded once more. “Sha, Heda. It will be as you say.” Indra left the tent after Alexandria dismissed her, still confused but trusting her leader.

Alexandria took a minute in Indra’s tent to be furious. How could Titus have betrayed her? He had practically raised her, teaching her the ways of being a good leader – both as a strategist in war and protector in peace. She didn’t understand.

Ten minutes later, Indra returned, looking grave. “It is done, Heda,” she informed Alexandria. “May I now ask why you have sentenced Titus to death?”

“In my tent you will find the body of Ontari and my two guards,” Alexandria spat. “Under threat of poison, Ontari revealed that my ‘Keeper’ was responsible for her presence. She had no reason to lie.”

Indra stiffened. “Treachery,” she growled.

“Yes. I now have reason to believe that he is also responsible for the death of Heda before me. The assassin then was never caught,” Alexandria reminded her. “I will question him, and then we will have wamplei kom thauz kodon.”

“The bodies will be removed from your tent if you wish to return,” Indra told her. “I will speak with the families of the guards at first light.”

“No. I will inform them,” Alexandria denied. “Ches has a son. They deserve to hear it from their Heda. That boy deserves to hear how brave his nontu was.”

Indra nodded her acceptance.

* * *

“Natrona,” Alexandria growled at her former advisor. “Chit yu don op?”

“What was necessary,” Titus hissed.

The Heda stared at him, still hardly able to believe that this man could have betrayed her. “Ai wich yu in,” she murmured. “You were my teacher. What happened to make you turn against me?”

“Yu laik kwelen,” Titus accused. “Yu en yun seingeda. No leader of the Trigedakru ever had a soulmate until yun nomon. It is a corruption of our people. She gave into her feelings. She had to die! And _you_ are no better! You let the other clans live. You still have hope that your soulmate will find you. It’s weakness!”

“Trikru ogeda laik yuj!” Alexandria denied. “ _I_ formed the Coalition. _I_ made peace happen! I let the Azgeda into the alliance even after their leader challenged me and I have continued to lead despite my hope that someday I might find my soulmate. I am _more than capable_ of separating _feelings_ from _duty_! And you betrayed me, natrona! For that you will die! Jus drein jus daun!”

Without wasting another word on the traitor, Alexandria spun around and stalked off. “Indra!”

“Sha, Heda.” Her general had watched the interrogation from afar.

“Gather the people. The natrona dies now. Thauz kodon. I will make the first cut.”

* * *

“You don’t have to do this, Heda,” Gustus protested quietly, knowing he wouldn’t change his leader’s – soon to be former leader’s – mind.

“I do,” Lexa replied for the hundredth time. “The Trikru are strong and they will remain so. I have done what I can for them, and now I have to live for me. A hundred and fifty years of leadership is a long time, Gustus.”

“Sha Heda,” Gustus rumbled, still disapproving.

“Aden is yet inexperienced, but we have trained him well. We have had peace for well over a hundred years – ever since Titus’ execution. I do not think that will change. And he will still have your advice and your daughter to keep him in line.” Lexa smiled, thinking of the fiery girl that they had known would be Aden’s soulmate since they were small children. “Telli will help him.”

“And you, Heda?” Gustus asked. “What will you do? Why must you go alone?”

Lexa sighed. “I’ve spent a century and a half in one place and always surrounded by my people. It’s 1900. I think it’s time I see how the world has grown and the kind of person I can be when I am not relied on. The truth is that I shall be glad for the quiet. And – something calls me. I can’t explain it and I’ve never felt it before. I only know that if I wish to understand this feeling, I must leave.”

“Your soulmate?” Gustus asked softly.

Lexa shrugged helplessly. “Perhaps. After nearly two centuries, it would seem unlikely. Whatever it is, I must find out.”

“Sha, Heda,” her advisor finally agreed, sighing. He’d been Lexa’s advisor since Indra’s death, only having found his soulmate in the Boat clan a few decades ago. Although by the time he took the responsibility, Lexa hardly needed any advice. She’d been leading for fifty years already. “I wish you well, and know that you will be sorely missed. The Trikru will always have a tent ready for you, should you choose to return.”

“Mochof, Gustus,” Lexa said warmly, tears pricking her eyes. “Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim.”

“May we meet again,” Gustus replied.

* * *

America was _busy_. When Lexa first visited, she ended up in Chicago. The year 1910, and something like two _million_ people lived there. Lexa couldn’t even imagine that many people existing, let alone all in one place. The Trikru Coalition as a whole was made of a few hundred thousand souls by the time she had left, and Lexa had thought that was large. But it had nothing on some of the other places Lexa had seen.

Lexa couldn’t explain why she ended up in Chicago, only that when she first heard the name, it felt right. Like she was supposed to go there. She wondered if perhaps the city was where her soulmate lived, but she didn’t get her hopes up.

It was a good thing she didn’t. Five years, she spent in the city, and never came close to finding her soulmate. What she did find, however, was Costia.

Costia was kind, sweet, and _good_. She was a nurse, and had yet to find her soulmate. It had been simple to fall in a kind of love with her, and for Costia to do the same with Lexa. They’d talked before daring to delve into a relationship, and had agreed that if either found their soulmate, the other would let them go without a fight. No hard feelings.

“I love you, you know?” Costia whispered to Lexa one night in late 1915, snow blowing outside the apartment they’d shared for the last three years.

“I do,” Lexa confirmed with a small smile.

Costia sighed. “I don’t want you to be alone. You don’t deserve to be alone.”

“Hey,” Lexa murmured. “We knew this would happen. We agreed. Echo is your soulmate, and she loves you and you’re going to love her just as much.”

“But – two centuries, Lexi. Isn’t that long enough to be on your own?”

Lexa’s smile widened. “I’ve never been alone in my life,” she denied. “I had so many people back home who cared for me, and when I left them, I almost immediately found you. I’ve never had time to get lonely. What’s another century?”

Costia gazed at her, wanting to see how serious Lexa was. “I love you,” she relented finally. “You were the first person I loved, and that means something to me. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Lexa reassured her. “But you should get to know Echo without her having to worry about me getting in the way.”

“If she’s my soulmate then she’ll trust me and love you just as much as I do,” Costia protested stubbornly.

Lexa chuckled. “But you don’t need me while you get to know her.”

“What will you do?” Costia asked, finally accepting Lexa’s decision.

“Travel,” Lexa shrugged. “I was thinking of heading east – maybe spend some time in Europe. I thought maybe…she would be here. But I haven’t felt anything in a while, so I think it’s time to move on.”

“You write to me,” Costia ordered. “You said another century would be doable, so I expect letters until the day I die, alright?”

“That’s a little morbid,” Lexa grinned.

“Just do it. And your Trikru know to send things here so you let me know where you are whenever you go somewhere new and I’ll make sure you get news from them,” she promised.

“They’re not _my_ Trikru anymore – but okay. I promise. It would be good to hear from you. And who knows? Maybe I’ll find her and introduce you two.” Lexa didn’t think that was likely, but what else was there besides hope anymore?

* * *

_Lexa,_

_It has been nearly sixty years, and still I miss you. But I am not writing today to tell you about that._

_You’re going to have a visitor, and I want you to let her into your life. I never wanted you to be alone, and you have spent the last six decades with little company. I will not stand for it any longer. So do this for me, please, ai tombom (Yes, I still remember what you used to call me – the rest of me is old but my mind is as clear as ever)._

_Her name is Anya. She hasn’t found her soulmate, does not believe they are to be found within the Trikru, and she wants to travel. Aden and Telli are her grandparents – Gustus was her great-grandfather. Anya came to find me first, and I have directed her on to you. She should be there in the next few days, if I’ve judged the date this letter will reach you correctly._

_I understand why you could never return. Know that I do not blame you. You will always have a piece of my heart dearest._

_Costia_

Lexa re-read the letter for the eighth time at least, sighing. She wasn’t sure she _wanted_ company. But Costia had asked, and she would still do almost anything for that woman. Even after having been separated for sixty years.

However, she only had forty or so years left to go on her self-imposed time limit, and Lexa wasn’t sure she wanted anyone to get in the way of that. She’d accepted that her soulmate was dead, at this point, and had been for quite some time in all likelihood.

A knock at the door interrupted Lexa’s thoughts. Knowing exactly who it would be, Lexa grumbled and went to answer it.

A woman with dirty blonde hair breezed through, nothing more than a backpack on her. “I’m Anya,” she introduced herself. “Costia said I should come see you, and biganontu never stopped talking about you, so I figured I’d see what the fuss was about. This was a hard place to find.” She stopped talking for a second and seemed to size Lexa up. “The stories biganontu used to tell me always made you sound taller,” she noted.

Lexa scowled. “First, Costia may have decided this was a good idea, but I have not. You can stay for a few days, and after that I’ll decide if you can stay longer. I was not privy to this decision, and I’m not sure I appreciate the company.”

Anya scoffed. “Costia said you’d say something like that, and she told me to tell you to: ‘Stuff it where the sun don’t shine and get over it’. In her words. I liked her.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “I do _not_ need looking after,” she muttered to herself. “Two hundred and sixty years – I think I can take care of myself just fine. I was Heda.”

“You _are_ Heda,” Anya corrected.

“What?” Lexa asked quizzically.

“Biganontu – he didn’t want the title. Refused to be called Heda and just went by Commander. So does nomon,” Anya explained. “He said it was yours and would remain so. That he had no right to take that from you. So you are still Heda to Trikru. To us.”

Lexa rubbed her face tiredly. It was too early for this. “Look,” she said finally, “you can stay for a while. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll make sure you’re set up somewhere. That’s all I can promise for now.”

Anya shrugged. “I don’t mind. I don’t want to be stuck here if we don’t get along, either. Especially if you’re going to be this broody all the time.”

“Hey!” Lexa protested. “First off, I am two hundred and sixty and deserve some respect. And if I’m slightly more introspective than the average person, I think I’ve earned it by now.”

“Whatever you say, Heda.”

* * *

Despite her reluctance, Lexa quickly found herself growing closer to Anya. With her, she didn’t feel as _old_ , and without an undertone of romance to worry about, as she had with Costia, Lexa discovered that it was quite relieving to have company.

She and Anya traveled around a lot. Anya was eager to see new places, and Lexa was looking for inspiration for her next book. Her own life offered quite a lot of material, but she tried to draw from the history of the places she had been to, to add substance. Her books were published under a pseudonym that she had changed a few times over the years, only the publishing house knowing the same person was behind the novels she had written in the last ninety or so years.

Finally, in 2013, Lexa decided it was time to return to America. Costia had long since died, and while Lexa regretted never going back to see her at times, she knew that it had been the right decision overall. But now, Lexa was approaching her deadline. It was just a few years away, and she found herself yearning to return to the only place she’d ever felt a hint of her soulmate. It seemed as good a place as any for perhaps the longest life in recorded history to end.

Anya had been told of Lexa’s plans years ago, and while she’d been angry to begin with – she’d shoved Lexa into a mud puddle in the middle of German farmland – she had long since accepted Lexa’s decision. So the pair left Thailand, their home of the last three years, and found a small apartment to share in downtown Chicago.

* * *

“I’m going out,” Lexa told Anya.

“Have fun,” Anya replied absently, reading a textbook. She’d picked up college for the first time, and seemed to be enjoying it. Lexa was glad of that. At least the younger woman would have something to occupy herself with when Lexa was gone. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t cross many items off the list, Ahn.”

Anya looked up, grinning. “Exactly.”

Lexa was chuckling as she left. She didn’t have anything in particular she needed to do – she’d just been trying to get out and enjoy the outdoors and the people around her as her deadline approached quickly and was now just days away. It seemed the appropriate way to say goodbye.

It was while she was glancing around at the newly blossoming trees that Lexa didn’t see what was right in front of her and crashed into someone. The person yelped and fell to the ground in a heap. “I’m so sorry,” she apologized frantically. “I wasn’t looking – I didn’t see you.” The stranger turned over, grimacing, and Lexa gulped. She was gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes – just, all of her.

“Yeah, I can tell,” the woman groaned, rubbing her palms on her pants and oh god, she was bleeding. Lexa’s anxiety increased ten-fold. “Look,” the blonde sighed, “it’s fine. I just really have to get to class…” She trailed off, and now Lexa was worried she’d managed to hit her head and get a concussion because all the blonde was doing was staring at her face.

“I’m so sorry,” Lexa apologized again. “Here, let me help you.” She reached out her hand – it was the least she could do. Maybe she could convince the girl to go get her head checked because she still wasn’t saying anything.

The blonde accepted her assistance, but the instant Lexa’s hand touched the strangers, it felt like the world had fallen out from under her feet. _Oh, my god._ Everything changed in a moment – in less than a breath. _No fucking way._ “You,” Lexa whispered reverently, staring at this blonde angel with awe.

The other girl looked dumbstruck, frozen for another moment, before something in her eyes changed, and anger took over her features. She shoved Lexa’s hand away and Lexa retracted it quickly. But then the blonde got to her feet and walked away without another word. “Hey! Wait!” Lexa called desperately, catching up and taking the girl’s wrist.

That made the blond spin around, spitting mad. “Don’t touch me,” she snarled.

Lexa immediately let her go and put her hands in the air, trying to not seem threatening. “I’m sorry,” she apologized once more. She couldn’t seem to do anything right today. “Can we please just talk?” she tried again. Tears pricked her eyes, but she did her best to hold them back.

The woman scoffed. “Yeah. Could have used that talk a while ago.” She turned to leave again, but whirled back around when Lexa started to follow her. “No,” she spat. “You don’t get to follow me. You want to talk? You can wait another few decades until we run into each other again.” And with that, she was gone. Lexa watched her stalk away, no longer able to hold back the tears that now ran down her cheeks freely.

She’d found and lost her soulmate, all in five minutes.

Resolve filled her. “No,” she growled. It had taken her almost three hundred years to get her, she wasn’t letting her soulmate go without a fight. The blonde was still in view, barely – her head bowed as she wound her way through the crowds. Lexa followed a ways behind, careful to not be seen but also not let the girl out of her sight.

They ended up at Anya’s university, and Lexa tailed the blonde as she entered the physical sciences building. An overwhelming sense of relief was rushing through her body, along with a small amount of guilt because she’d obviously done something to upset her soulmate, who she didn’t even know the name of. She watched outside the front doors as the girl entered a classroom, then made her way in and settled herself on the cold tile across the hall to wait. She’d waited this long – another hour wouldn’t hurt. In the meantime, she pulled out her cellphone.

 **10:21** – From Lexa: _I met her and she’s pissed. But also the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen._

 **10:23** – From Anya: _HOLY FUCK!_

 ** _10:23_** _–_ From Anya: _You met her? The fuck. Really?_

 **10:23** – From Anya: _When, where? Why is she mad?_

 **10:24** – From Lexa: _I don’t know? I mean, I accidentally ran into her because I wasn’t looking where I was going and knocked her over but she didn’t seem too upset until we touched…_

Oh, god.

 **10:25** – From Lexa: _When we figured it out. What if she’s upset because I’m a girl? What if I waited all this time for her and she won’t have me because she’s not gay?_

The reply took a couple minutes, making Lexa even more anxious.

 **10:27** – From Anya: _Okay Lex, hold up. Breathe for a minute. What did she say?_

Lexa tried to remember.

 **10:28** – From Lexa: _I apologized for knocking her over. She seemed okay and then I helped her up. That’s when we both realized. Then she got really upset and took off, saying that if I ‘wanted to talk, I could wait another couple decades until we ran into each other again’._

 **10:28** – From Anya: _Oh Lexa…_

 **10:29** – From Lexa: _What?_

 **10:31** – From Anya: _She’s been waiting for you too._

Lexa’s stomach dropped. How long had this girl been waiting? Now she was regretting the last ninety years she’d spent in other countries. But how could she have known? She thought her soulmate was dead? Is that what the blonde had thought as well? Guilt curled unpleasantly within her, even though she knew there was no way for her to have known anything. She’d come to Chicago the instant she’d gotten an inkling that that was where she was supposed to be. Perhaps she’d come too soon?

Students beginning to file out of the classroom interrupted her thoughts.

 **10:43** – From Lexa: _Gotta go. Her class is getting out._

 **10:43** – From Anya: _Good luck Heda._

Lexa pocketed her phone and hoped that the doors in front of her were the only exit the blonde would be able to take. She got nervous as the wave of students began to peter out – until it stopped. Lexa bit her lip. But then, the door opened one last time, and out walked her soulmate.

The blonde froze the instant she saw Lexa, and Lexa’s stomach clenched. Somehow, the other girl was more beautiful than she remembered.

“Why are you here?” the blonde asked. She didn’t sound angry anymore, only exhausted.

Lexa scrambled to her feet, not wanting to waste this opportunity. “Please, I just want to talk,” she pleaded quietly, holding out her hand. “I’m Lexa.” She prayed the blonde would take the offering.

The blonde met her eyes for the first time since she’d walked away from Lexa, and she hesitated. Eventually, she took Lexa’s hand and shook it briefly. “Clarke,” she mumbled.

Elation soared through Lexa for just a moment before it all came crashing down again when Clarke turned without another word and walked away. Lexa could do nothing but stand and watch her go. This was it. She’d never see Clarke again. Her soulmate didn’t want anything to do with her.

But then Clarke looked back at her. “Come on, then. If you’re coming.”

This might be her last chance. Lexa very nearly fell on her face trying to catch up before Clarke changed her mind. Clarke resumed walking, leading Lexa off campus. Lexa watched Clarke’s hand swinging at her side, and all she could think about was how much she’d like to hold the blonde’s hand in hers again. Ten minutes later, that thought turned into an overwhelming need when it disappeared as a man walked between them and Lexa lost sight of Clarke for a brief moment. She panicked, and the next thing she knew, her fingers were brushing against Clarke’s skin before she realized what she was doing and hastily withdrew.

Clarke looked back at her, confused, and Lexa flushed. “I – apologize, Clarke,” she barely got out. English was harder to use when she was upset, and she knew her accent would making a reappearance as well. “I should not have touched you without permission.” She stared at the ground, afraid she’d crossed a line.

The blonde was quiet for a moment, but then, “It’s fine.” She started walking again and Lexa followed, careful not to touch her anymore even though it was the only thing she wanted to do.

A few minutes later, Clarke stiffened. Lexa cringed, wondering if the blonde had decided to be angry after all, but then, Clarke reached out on her own and grabbed Lexa’s hand. She entwined their fingers and held tight, and Lexa relaxed for the first time all day – a pain in her chest suspiciously close to her heart easing as Clarke’s skin remained in contact with her own. She sighed in relief.

It was another mile or so to Clarke’s apartment, judging by how much longer they walked. It wasn’t a bad place – Clarke had to have some money. “My roommate’s not home,” Clarke said as they walked through the door. “We can talk privately.”

Suddenly feeling shy, Lexa merely nodded and scuffed her feet on the floor as she worked up the courage to speak. “I – I don’t really know what to say,” she admitted. “I didn’t expect this.”

Some of the anger that had left Clarke’s face returned at her words, and Lexa bit her lip. “Yeah, well neither did I,” Clarke snapped. “You were supposed to be dead. That’s the only reason I could accept for being stuck here for so long. For watching everyone else I love die. You had to be dead too.” Lexa flinched, and wanted to say something, maybe comfort the blonde, but Clarke kept going. “But here you are – in perfect health. And now the only thing I can think is that you were avoiding me, or some shit like that. That you didn’t, or don’t, want me. Which, fine. We’ve met, we’ve touched, we’re both aging again now – we can go on our merry way and pretend this never happened.”

That ache in Lexa’s chest had returned with a vengeance. Leaving Clarke was the last thing she wanted to do. But there was so much pain on Clarke’s face, Lexa wondered if it wouldn’t be best for the blonde if she didn’t have to see Lexa every day for the rest of her life. Maybe that was what Clarke needed. “Is that what you want?” she asked quietly, desperately and selfishly hoping that it wasn’t.

“Honestly?” Clarke sighed. “I don’t know. Until this morning, I thought so. After one hundred and twenty years, I was pretty damn sure I knew what I wanted. And it wasn’t you.”

One hundred and twenty years. Lexa had left her alone for a hundred and twenty years. She nodded, biting her lip and blinking fast as she tried to hold back the guilt forming in the pit of her stomach. She’d been in Chicago just after Clarke was born. She was here, and she hadn’t found her. She’d given up too soon, and Clarke had been alone all that time.

“But now I don’t know.” Clarke’s voice was gentler, less angry. “Because you’re here. And when I was in class, all I was doing was regretting walking away without at least getting your name because what if I never saw you again?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you.” Not a chance. Not when Lexa had just found her. “Until you tell me you don’t want me, I’ll be here.” _Please don’t say that._

Clarke shook her head, and Lexa’s stomach dropped, but then she spoke. “You can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Why not?” Lexa asked, bewildered. It was true. She wasn’t going to let Clarke go that easy.

Because, Lexa!” It was the first time Clarke had said her name, and Lexa nearly shuddered in pleasure when the blonde’s husky voice wrapped around the syllables, despite the circumstances. “Because then how did the universe fuck up so badly?” Clarke was crying, and then Lexa was too. She wanted to grab Clarke – hold her, protect her from loneliness for the rest of her life – but she couldn’t. She hadn’t earned that right. “How could things get so fucked up for over a century to pass for me and god knows how long for you? How long was it?”

Lexa fidgeted. She should have known this would come up. She didn’t want to tell Clarke right now, because then the blonde would feel guilty that she had given Lexa such a hard time when Lexa had been alive over twice as long. But from the sound of it, Clarke had had it a lot rougher than Lexa. Lexa had her people, and then she had Costia, and then Anya. Sure, there was a span of six decades between Costia and Anya, but she’d gotten letters, both from Gustus and Aden, and Costia. Who knew how long Clarke had been alone.

“Lexa. How long?” Clarke insisted. “A week, a year, twenty, fifty, a hundred?”

Lexa looked up at the ceiling, trying to find some strength or control. “Three,” she finally whispered, hoping Clarke would let it go.

“Three years?”

Lexa sighed. “No. Almost three hundred.” No taking it back now.

Clarke collapsed to the ground, and Lexa’s heart nearly stopped. “I’m sorry,” Clarke apologized weakly through tears. “I’m sorry – I’m so fucking sorry.”

Lexa shook her head, even though Clarke wasn’t looking at her. She knelt in front of the crying blonde and cupped her cheeks with both hands, thumbs gently wiping away the tears. “I never blamed you,” Lexa tried to reassure the younger woman.

If anything, the guilt in Clarke’s eyes deepened. “How could you not?” Clarke struggled to get out. “It’s _my_ fault. All this time, I wanted to – and you – you hung on this long, and I couldn’t even –”

“You couldn’t what?” Lexa asked. She knew the answer. But she needed Clarke to admit it so she could confess as well.

The look in Clarke’s eyes took Lexa’s breath away. They had gone past pain – something darker had stolen the life in them. “I couldn’t keep living.” It was barely audible. “I gave up. I was just waiting. Surviving. As soon as Raven was gone, I –” she didn’t finish.

But Lexa knew. “I understand.” Of course she understood. The last hundred years had been leading to this. She’d had her own deadline. “Me too.”

Fear had entered Clarke’s eyes, now. “How much longer?”

“Until my three hundredth birthday,” Lexa replied vaguely.

“When is that?” Lexa didn’t want to answer. Didn’t want to hurt Clarke any more than she had already. “When is it Lexa?” Clarke insisted though.

“Three days from now.”

Then Lexa was being pulled into a tight embrace as lips pressed firmly against her own. She didn’t even have time to enjoy the kiss before Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s chest. “Please don’t leave me. Please,” Clarke begged.

Lexa’s heart broke a little more at the desperation in Clarke’s voice. “Never,” she promised as she finally got to wrap her arms around her soulmate, holding her with all the strength she had left. All her plans had been cancelled the instant she’d first touched Clarke. She could live another lifetime, easy, as long as she had Clarke. They didn’t know each other, yet – apart from the shared pain of lives lived for far too long – but Lexa already knew that she was going to love this woman, and from the way Clarke was clutching at her, Lexa didn’t think it was too far out of the realm of possibility to believe Clarke might feel the same way. Or at least, enough to not want Lexa to disappear. “I’ll be right here.”

They spent the next hour on the floor, Lexa only shifting so she could sit and pull Clarke into her lap. The blonde whined when Lexa first moved away, but she quickly hushed the other girl and settled her between her legs, arms around the younger girl’s middle. “I’m right here,” she whispered.

“Talk to me,” Clarke mumbled after a while, voice scratchy from crying.

“About what?”

“Your life, what you did all those years, anything.”

So Lexa did. She told Clarke about the beautiful country where she was born, about the constant wars. How her mother was the first commander of her people to find and accept her soulmate, breaking centuries of tradition. Lexa talked about how she had come to be Heda, and formed the Coalition, what it felt like to have to defend her position in a fight to the death, about Titus’ betrayal. She told Clarke about Costia, and how she’d never visited because she didn’t want to see her former love growing old. Lexa talked about how Anya had come to be in her life – unwelcome, at first, but soon appreciated. Lexa spoke for hours. Until her voice grew hoarse.

When she had told Clarke everything she remembered, the blonde began telling Lexa of her life in turn. How her parents had died young – her father not even sixty and her mother only a few years past. How she’d watched the people she grew up with age without her and how it hurt so much to watch that she moved across the country. Clarke told her how she’d been alone for years after that, too scared and hurt to grow close to anyone, and about meeting Raven, and thus Octavia and Lincoln – why she couldn’t stand to be around Octavia very often even though she loved her so much. How Raven was her only real friend, and she had dreaded the day that Raven found her soulmate because then Clarke would be alone again. She even told Lexa of how she kept the syringe of morphine in her drawer, ready for the day when a life of stagnancy became too much for her. Lexa let go of Clarke for the first time in hours, jerked open the drawer, and snatched the syringe.

“Do you still want to?” she asked, hoping Clarke wouldn’t.

Clarke shook her head silently. “No,” she whispered.

Relief flooded through Lexa. “Then may I throw this away?”

“Yeah.” Lexa did so with relish. “Now please come back here.”

“How about we move to the bed instead?” Lexa suggested. Clarke held out her hands and Lexa pulled her up, but kept going until Clarke was in her arms. She carried Clarke over to the bed and sat down with Clarke in her lap once more, her face buried in Lexa’s neck. They didn’t move for a while after that.

They eventually went to bed, but Lexa was antsy. She had quickly grown addicted to touching Clarke, but didn’t want to overstep now that they were actively trying to go to sleep. It seemed more intimate, somehow, even though they’d spent all afternoon baring their entire lives to each other. She could tell Clarke wasn’t asleep either, so she worked up her courage. “Clarke?”

Clarke’s back was to her, but Lexa could hear her smile. “Yeah?”

She wanted to put this in the right way. “Do you think – could we maybe – be closer?” Lexa winced. That had sounded so awkward. “I am finding it – difficult – to fall asleep with you near but not touching.” She didn’t want to tell Clarke that even being in the same bed wasn’t enough to convince her that this all wasn’t a dream. She needed to feel Clarke’s skin, be pressed against her bones, and even then Lexa felt that it might not be close enough.

But Clarke took her hand and tugged her closer without a word, not letting go until she had managed to shift Lexa so that she was on top of Clarke’s body. And then Lexa could finally relax. Every inch of her was sinking into Clarke – she could feel every bump and ridge – and something slotted into place inside her. They breathed out twin sighs of relief. This was where they were supposed to be.

Sleep followed not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically the entire first third of this chapter came from me still being salty about 307 so I came up with a storyline where I could kill Titus as my revenge.


	3. Together Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even after a month, Clarke and Lexa are still trying to figure out how they fit together.
> 
> Or
> 
> Clarke wishes her brain would just shut up for a minute and let her be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As vaguely promised, here is Chapter 3. There was originally going to be a part of this chapter that focused on Clarke's struggles, and then a second that focused on Lexa's. But I liked where I ended this, so this chapter is just Clarke. Hence the 'Part 1' in the chapter title. There will be another chapter with Lexa's bit that takes place a little later in their relationship.
> 
> Also, I know I promised more than a few people that I would do more with Raven and Anya and address both their lack of soulmates in Chapter 3, but those bits were at the end of my plan so that has been pushed to chapter 4. Sorry about that. I also apologize for how long this took. Between writing some more for Fight Me and finishing up my Master's degree and my parents visiting me from halfway across the country, I have had absolutely no free time. Just ask chuckleshan I didn't speak to her for a week.
> 
> But all business aside, enjoy!

_One month later_

“So I have an exam tomorrow,” Clarke brought up one afternoon.

Lexa looked over at her. “Yes, you’ve been studying all week for it. You’re ready,” she encouraged.

Clarke smiled. “Thanks, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”

Lexa set down her book, giving Clarke her full attention. “What’s the matter?” she asked softly.

Clarke sighed, resigned. “We haven’t been apart in almost a month. I’m – I’m not sure I can handle being separated from you yet,” she admitted. “I’m still scared whenever you’re in a different room that I just made you up or you’re a dream and I’ll wake up and you won’t exist.”

Her soulmate got up from the couch to sit at the table covered in Clarke’s study materials. “I know. Me too. What do you want to do about it?”

The blonde thought for a moment. “Maybe –” she hesitated, “maybe the professor would let you – I don’t know – be with me? While I took it? I know that at some point I have to be able to be away from you, and it’s only going to be a couple hours, but I’m not ready yet.”

Lexa smiled gently. “I think that’s a good idea. And I’m not ready, either,” she reassured Clarke. Even with a month of constantly being in each other’s company, it still felt too good to be true. Three hundred years into life, and the last month had been the best of Lexa’s recent memory. Her expiration date had come and gone, and Lexa had hardly noticed. Things were nowhere near perfect – she and Clarke were still getting used to one another – but Lexa was happier than she could remember being in a long time.

Clarke had been skipping all of her classes since she and Lexa had found each other. They were all lecture format, so it wasn’t like any of the professors would notice. And she already knew the majority of the material from her career as a nurse anyway. She had been studying at home with Lexa quizzing her on the notes as she went. Clarke didn’t even need the biology degree to apply to med school – she just thought it would be useful to be caught up on all the new information the world had learned in the last thirty years. She and Lexa had spent an entire night discussing it, and Lexa had been quite impressed with Clarke’s dedication to science and its role in saving lives.

“You’re not?” Clarke asked, drawing Lexa away from her thoughts. She glanced at the blonde, confused, only to watch Clarke shift uncomfortably. “I mean, I don’t want to – impose – or something,” she muttered. “I know it’s annoying, to be locked up in this apartment all the time and having to deal with my roommate, and –”

Lexa pressed her lips against Clarke’s still moving ones, interrupting her self-deprecating words. “Being with you is _never_ a burden,” she whispered when they parted. “I never thought I’d find you, and now that I have, I’m not giving you up. Alright?”

Clarke relaxed at her words, leaning into her chest and placing her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to doubt you. I wasn’t doubting _you_. I just – I don’t know how to do this. And I can’t seem to get my head on straight. It just keeps telling me that this is all too good to be true and one day I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone or you’ll figure out that it’s – _we’re_ – not worth it, and – I wish my parents could have met you.”

Lexa brought her arms around Clarke and held her tight, trying to soothe her as she felt a single tear drip onto her neck. “I know. But I’m going to be here, proving that part of your brain wrong until it believes me. I know you’ve been alone for a very long time, and I can’t fix that overnight. But you’re not going to scare me off, Clarke. You don’t have to worry – I’m in this. I’m going to love you.”

Clarke looked up at her, still in wonder of how this gentle, strong woman was her soulmate. How Lexa already knew exactly what to say to pull her out of a downward spiral that even Raven, after three years, still had trouble stopping. “I’m going to love you too,” Clarke murmured back, snuggling in closer.

* * *

Clarke was a bundle of nerves. She was a very private person, refusing to share more of herself than strictly necessary with any new acquaintance. Now she had to walk up to a professor and basically request for a special provision given her personal circumstances. Like she had a disability. Which, now that Clarke thought about it, she might – given her mental state half the time. Didn’t make sharing it any easier.

Lexa gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and nodded over at a study table across the hall, indicating that she’d wait there for Clarke to come back. Clarke gave her a brief smile and leaned in for a quick kiss that Lexa granted.

They separated – Lexa moving to sit down and Clarke taking a deep breath before knocking on her professor’s open door.

“Ah, Clarke,” Professor Kane smiled when he saw her. “I haven’t seen you in class for a while I was worried. Come in. How can I help you?”

“Hi, Professor,” Clarke said hesitantly. “I was wondering if – well – I need a provision for the exam tomorrow.”

Kane tilted his head, confused. “I wasn’t informed by the Student Disabilities Office that you had a learning disability.”

Clarke blushed. “It’s not that kind of problem.” She fidgeted nervously.

“It’s okay, Clarke. Just explain,” Kane offered kindly.

She decided to just bite the bullet and come out with it. “I haven’t been in class because I met my soulmate. Which sounds like a really lame and common excuse now that I’m saying it, but I’m a hundred and twenty years old, and she’s even older. So the last month we’ve been trying to put our lives together, and figure out where we fit and honestly, I can barely let her out of my sight long enough to talk to you, even though she’s right across the hall,” Clarke rushed through her explanation. “I can’t do it for the two hours the exam requires, so I was hoping she could sit next to me while I took it. She won’t help me cheat or anything – I know the material,” she said proudly. “But I would rather not fail your course simply because I can’t be apart from my soulmate at the moment. Which we’re working on, but it’s going slowly.”

Kane had frozen when Clarke mentioned her and Lexa’s age. All files besides conduct were kept private from professors for student comfort and safety, and Kane had had no inkling that his quiet, star pupil was any older than the average college student. He managed to relax by the time Clarke had finished, hoping he hadn’t made his student any more nervous. “That will be fine, Clarke,” he assured her gently. “I’m happy you found her. Apparently you are much older than me, but you’re still my brightest student,” he tried to ease the tension, and Clarke smiled slightly. “Do you mind calling her in here, just so I know who should be next to you tomorrow?”

Clarke sagged in relief and nodded. She poked her head out the door. “Lexa,” she called softly. A moment later, a young looking brunette walked in.

“It’s good to meet you, Lexa,” Kane said reassuringly. “Clarke here has explained the situation to me, and it’s perfectly alright for you to be in my class for the afternoon. I just wanted to meet you so I know who to expect.”

“Thank you for doing this for us, Professor.” Lexa’s words were confident, assured. Kane was impressed by her demeanor. Clarke always seemed more withdrawn. Introspective, introverted. She was brilliant, no doubt, but Kane hoped that perhaps this Lexa would be able to draw Clarke out of her shell, help her gain the swagger so many doctors these days seemed to have. If she didn’t, Kane worried Clarke would find it difficult to show she was capable of becoming the amazing doctor he knew she could be.

“It’s not a problem. You’re welcome any other time as well. I’d like to see you in class again, Clarke,” he added.

Clarke nodded. “Will do, Professor. Thank you for this,” she said fervently. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As he watched the pair leave – both so much older than they looked – Kane shook his head. It made him grateful for meeting his soulmate only a few years after turning eighteen. He couldn’t imagine seeing that much of the world and being stuck for so long. When he got home, he’d have a new appreciation for his wife.

* * *

Lexa watched Clarke push the salad they had made together around her plate aimlessly, only a few choice bites of greens and chicken actually making it into her mouth. Clarke hadn’t eaten much of her breakfast or lunch either, too nervous about their upcoming meeting with Professor Kane. Now, she was busy going over last minute notes in her head for the exam tomorrow, and not really paying any attention to her food. Lexa worried that this was a habit for her soulmate – forgetting to eat when she was anxious about something. She’d have to ask Clarke about it tomorrow after her test, or Raven if the blonde wasn’t forthcoming with answers. Lexa hoped that she was reading too much into it.

“Do you want me to help you study a little bit more tonight?” Lexa asked gently.

Clarke looked up, surprised, like she’d forgotten Lexa was there. She smiled though. “That would be great. If you’re not going to be writing or anything, that is,” she amended immediately.

“One of the great things about having worked with one company for so long is I get to dictate when I turn things in,” Lexa was quick to remind her. “They know I write by my own schedule – no pesky things like deadlines to worry about.”

Clarke’s smile reappeared, sending Lexa’s heart soaring. It had been slow progress, but Clarke was beginning to trust that Lexa was a permanent fixture in her life now. Her smiles came more readily, and Clarke was talking more and spending less time sleeping the day away. There was Lexa’s new worry about Clarke’s eating habits, although she thought it might be more stress related than any true problem. But that was something to address another day. For tonight, she’d take her soulmate’s smile and run with it.

Lexa got up from the table, pulling Clarke with her. The blonde snuck a kiss while Lexa was leading her to the couch, and Lexa allowed herself to be distracted for a few minutes before pulling away and reaching for the flashcards they’d been using earlier. She turned back to find Clarke pouting at her, almost too adorable to resist. “That is a weapon of mass destruction,” Lexa complained, giving her a kiss to make her stop. “How can anyone refuse that face?” Clarke grinned, leaning in again, but Lexa stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. “How about, for every one you get right, you get to kiss me. When you get through the stack, we can go to bed,” Lexa suggested.

Clarke thought it over before nodding, settling onto Lexa’s stomach and resting her head on her shoulder so every inch of them was touching. They both relaxed at the contact, still drawing comfort from each other’s presence. Lexa slowly flicked through the cards, unsurprised when Clarke got all but one right.

* * *

“What’d you think?” Lexa asked as she and Clarke exited the science building after the exam, still hand in hand – the way they had been for the entire test.

“Not too bad,” Clarke replied. “There was one essay that was a little rough – wanting me to explain each phase of the endometrial cycle – but other than that okay. The reproductive physiology stuff isn’t too hard besides all the different hormones and their contradictions.”

Lexa squeezed her hand. “I’m sure you aced it. Can I take you out to an early dinner to celebrate?” _And maybe getting a full meal into Clarke now that she isn’t stressed will be an added bonus_ , Lexa added to herself.

“I’d rather just veg at home with you, if that’s okay?” Clarke asked, looking up at Lexa’s face hopefully. “I’m tired.”

“Of course,” Lexa agreed. “Whatever you want.” Maybe she could make something, or just order it in. Cell phones – phones in general – had taken some getting used to, but Lexa had to acknowledge how much easier life was with them around. She prided herself on being adaptable to change – she’d had to be, to survive three centuries of the ever-evolving world around her.

Lexa made grilled cheese for the two of them when they got home. Raven had quietly told her a few of the things that Clarke liked, including her favorite food. Lexa enjoyed it too – it was similar to some of the food she’d had back when she lived with the Trikru. Simple, hearty, and filling. Clarke grinned when she saw it, but only ate a few bites before she began to tear it into smaller pieces, making it look like she’d eaten more than she had.

“Aren’t you going to finish that?” Lexa inquired carefully, not wanting to sound like she was getting after Clarke.

Clarke looked down at the mess of her plate. “I’m just a little tired. Sorry, it tasted good.”

Lexa set her glass down. “I thought maybe now that your exam was over, you’d feel better.”

“What do you mean? I feel fine, I’m just tired.”

“You just –” Lexa hesitated. “It seems like you’ve been a little stressed the past few days, and I thought now that it’s done you’d eat a little more.”

“You think I don’t eat enough?” Clarke asked. She didn’t sometimes – she knew that. It wasn’t on purpose, she just didn’t always have the energy to force herself to eat food. After over a century, some things became tedious. Eating was one of them.

Lexa paused, trying to figure out how dangerous a ground she was treading on. “I – think that _maybe,_ sometimes you forget, and need someone to remind you. That’s all I’m trying to do.”

“It’s not like I was dying before you came into my life. Raven took care of me,” Clarke retorted sullenly.

Lexa felt a flash of hurt and jealousy course through her. “I don’t _want_ Raven to take care of you. I want you to want to take care of yourself!”

Clarke stared at her hands uncomfortably, but her tone was defensive. “I was surviving just fine before you got here. Sometimes being hungry, it reminds me that I’m still real. That I haven’t blown away into nothing in the last century. I’m sorry I’m not as strong as you, but I can’t just be fine all of a sudden, even with you here now.”

“I am not asking you to be fine. Do you think that I am perfect?” Lexa asked, sounding harsher than she meant to. “I struggle as well, but if you do not start taking better care of yourself, maybe you _will_ blow away into nothing.” The blonde flinched but remained silent, refusing to look Lexa in the eyes. The older woman sighed in frustration. “This isn’t working. We’re trying too hard. I’m just – going to give you some space for a while. I think we both need it.”

With that, Lexa grabbed her duffle that she had been living out of throughout her stay in Clarke’s apartment in the last month and drove away, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

Clarke barely registered the sound of her front door closing. She lay curled up in the kitchen chair, knees tucked to her chest and her mind running a mile a minute but not really focusing on anything. Why would Lexa berate her like that? What had she said? She wanted Clarke to want to take care of herself. That ‘this’ wasn’t working, and they were trying too hard.

 _I_ do _take care of myself_ , Clarke reassured herself fiercely, ignoring the pain of the second part. Lexa was wrong. She shouldn’t have gotten after Clarke like that. That’s what Lexa was doing, wasn’t she? Now Clarke couldn’t remember. Her words had seemed stern, but all Clarke could recall was the concerned tone of Lexa’s voice. Had she overreacted? Was she too much trouble for Lexa to want to deal with? She said they were trying too hard. Maybe Clarke had pushed her over the edge.

When was the last time she had eaten for real and not just faked it? Clarke thought for a moment – it had been the night before they spoke with Kane. Almost two full days ago. No wonder Lexa had been worried. It had been a while since she’d been that bad about food. Raven was good about keeping track, but she had been giving them space to learn each other. And Lexa had picked up on what was going on right away, and didn’t say anything. Probably didn’t want to push Clarke for answers before she was ready.

“Lexa?” Clarke had been wrong to yell at her soulmate. Why had she been so defensive? Why wouldn’t her brain stop trying to find an ulterior motive in everything Lexa did? Lexa was perfect, or as close to it as someone could be. She was everything Clarke didn’t deserve. “Lexa?”

There was no answer. Where was she? She wouldn’t have left her. She promised. Even if Clarke was just trouble, Lexa wouldn’t just _leave_.

“Lexa!” Clarke was getting scared. She pushed herself out of the chair and ran through the apartment, checking every room. Lexa was nowhere in sight. “No, no, no no no,” she muttered. Her bedroom was the last place she looked. It too, was empty. No sign that anyone besides Clarke had ever even been in there. She wanted to collapse right then, but she stiffened her legs and went to wait by the entryway for Raven. Raven would know what was real and how to fix this.

The second Raven’s beat up Land Rover pulled in front of the door Clarke was running out to her. “Raven, you _have_ to take me to Lexa’s apartment. Now! None of her stuff is here – she’s gone! Did I make her up, Raven? Is Lexa real? Please – tell me she’s real,” Clarke begged.

“Clarke, calm down. Take a deep breath,” Raven soothed. “I promise that Lexa is real, now tell me what happened.”

“I think – I think Lexa and I got in a fight – and now – now she – she’s gone,” Clarke sobbed.

“Did you try texting her?”

“N-no. I don’t know where my phone is, please Raven, you have to take me to her house!”

“Okay, okay. Calm down,” Raven tried again. “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding. Just get in the car and I can drive you there right now. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

Clarke spent the entire drive fidgeting anxiously, terrified that when they arrived, she would find an empty house. She nearly tripped out of the car the instant Raven threw it into park, sprinting up the walkway. Clarke pounded on the door wildly. “Lexa! Lexa, please, open the door!”

The door swung open a few moments later, revealing a tall, dark blonde woman. “Can I help you?” she asked drily.

“Lexa,” Clarke gasped. “Please, I need to see Lexa. Please tell me she’s here.”

The blonde stared at her inscrutably for a second, then turned. “Heda! Door!”

It took a minute, but then by some miracle, Lexa appeared in the doorway, tearstained cheeks and all. Her eyes lightened when she saw Clarke standing there, before she saw the distressed look on the blonde’s face. “Clarke?”

Clarke’s knees decided to give out at that moment. She went down, but Lexa caught her at the last second. “Clarke!”

Tears started streaming down Clarke’s face again. “You’re here,” she muttered into Lexa’s shoulder. “You’re real.” She tightened her grip on her soulmate and let out a sob. “I’m sorry for yelling. I’m so sorry – you were right. I’ll be better, I’ll do better, just please don’t give up on me,” she begged.

“I promise.”

Lexa’s words set something off in her. “You promised!” Clarke yelled, not caring what neighbors heard. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me!” She beat her fist weakly into Lexa’s chest. The brunette didn’t move an inch, holding Clarke close in her arms. “I thought you weren’t real,” she said mournfully. “I thought I’d finally lost my mind and made you up.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa whispered. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I did not mean to scare you. I thought you were angry – wished for space. I thought that trying to avoid fighting while being in the same room would be fruitless, and that it would be best if we both had some time to ourselves. I was wrong – forgive me. I’m real. I’m here with you, I promise. I won’t ever leave you.” Her long fingers carded through Clarke’s hair as she tried to soothe the girl.

It took a while. When Clarke’s sobs hadn’t subsided within a few minutes, Lexa lifted the other girl into her arms and carried her into the house to sit on the couch with Clarke in her lap. Anya took the opportunity of the unblocked doorway to escape the house for a while. Lexa didn’t notice, speaking quiet reassurances as she wove small braids into Clarke’s hair, trying to calm her traumatized soulmate. Eventually, the words and soft touches got through to Clarke and she settled down, burying her face in Lexa’s chest as she tried to catch her breath.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke’s voice came out muffled. “I’ll do better. I’ll eat when you think I should, I won’t be any trouble. Whatever I have to do so you want to stay.”

“No,” Lexa denied. Clarke stiffened, but Lexa rushed to continue. “I need you to listen, Clarke. _Nothing_ is going to drive me away. I’m in this for the rest of my life. I’m not saying one of us won’t need space once in a while, but I will always come back to you. I did not intend to order you around today. I only want you safe, happy, and healthy. Do you understand?”

Clarke nodded against Lexa’s shirt. “You know I want you to be happy and safe too, right? I love you,” she murmured for the first time.

Lexa tightened her hold on her soulmate, resting her cheek on Clarke’s hair. “I love you too,” she replied.


	4. Together Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a very important question to ask Clarke
> 
> Or
> 
> Clarke finally gets the chance to take care of Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, here is the final chapter of this soulmate AU. It's been a long time coming, but I wanted to make sure that I did this chapter justice, and the original plan was scrapped and the new plan took literal months for me to figure out. Like, I just started writing this last week, so at least I busted it out real fast once I finally started it? Anyways, thank you for all the love this fic has received - it's my most popular and that baffles me.

Lexa twisted the key in her hands nervously. She’d had the copy made nearly a month ago, but still hadn’t done anything with it. She didn’t want to push any boundaries with Clarke before either of them were ready.

It had been almost eight months since they found each other. Clarke was getting better all the time. They could now spend a night or two apart if necessary, although that rarely occurred. They ended up missing each other too much. The only reason they knew they could do it was because of Lexa’s novel recently being published and her having to meet her editor in New York while Clarke had been unable to go due to an exam.

Clarke had also started attending classes on her own again over a month ago. Lexa would work on her own things in the school library while she waited for her soulmate to come back. They would meet for lunch – either something Lexa had made the night before or bought from the cafeteria – and then go home together. They split their time between Clarke and Raven’s apartment and Lexa and Anya’s, mostly so their roommates wouldn’t get annoyed with them.

Lexa and Clarke lived together in all but name. Their belongings were divided between the two places and really the only thing missing was a key. But it seemed so daunting – the addition of a key. Like it was a huge step forward – even though it really wasn’t – and Lexa didn’t want to push Clarke farther and faster than she was willing to go.

The sound of a door opening pulled Lexa from her thoughts. She quickly stuffed the key in her pocket and jumped up from the couch to greet her girlfriend. “Hey, how was it?” she asked, smiling.

“Good. Kane brought the director of admissions of the medical school to talk to me about what I should be doing next and how my application looks for next year. He said that with my credentials and recommendations, I’m a shoo in at least for his school,” Clarke said happily.

“That is amazing Clarke,” Lexa congratulated, giving Clarke a hug. “You’re going to be a wonderful physician.”

Clarke hummed, leaning into the embrace. “I was thinking maybe we could go out this weekend?” she suggested a bit hesitantly. “I know we usually stay kind of low key, but Raven wants to celebrate, and you just had your book published, and it really seems like things are kind of finally looking up, you know?”

“Things are definitely looking up, Clarke. I’m so proud of you.”

“You should bring Anya too. I know we’ve put her out a lot because of my issues and needs, and I want to make it up to her for all the peace I’ve ruined,” Clarke rambled, fidgeting with her shirt nervously.

Lexa grabbed her hand, lifting it up to her lips for a kiss. “Hey, none of that,” she soothed. “You are never a bother, remember?” They’d been working on this since their argument and subsequent miscommunication a few months ago. Clarke’s insecurities still ran deep, but Lexa hoped that she was helping with them. It seemed like they were finally making some headway – Raven offhandedly remarked on how much more exuberant Clarke was whenever the mechanic was briefly left alone with Lexa. “If Anya ever acts annoyed, it’s just because that’s her favorite mood and she’d look for any reason to be so. And Anya likes you, Clarke. She thinks you’re a genius, and if she wasn’t so proud, she’d ask for help on that intro to biology course that’s kicking her ass this semester.”

Clarke chuckled. “Well, maybe I’ll offer. But you should invite her anyway. I think she and Raven would get along. They have the same sense of humor.”

“Intolerable?” Lexa guessed, making Clarke laugh again. “Forty years, I’ve put up with her. I’d be glad to fob her off on someone who will actually enjoy it.”

“So we’ll invite both of them?”

Lexa nuzzled into Clarke’s hair, pressing a kiss to her temple and making the blonde sigh happily. “Whatever you want, love.”

* * *

“Hey! Lexa and Clarke! Clarke! Best friend, come over here!” Raven yelled over the din of the bar that the soulmates had just entered.

Clarke rushed to her friend’s side. “How much have you already had to drink, Rae?” she asked, exasperated but fond.

“Oh, you know. Just a little!” Raven insisted. “I’m totally fine. Hey Lexa, where’s your hot friend?”

Lexa smiled. Raven was hilarious when she was drunk and a lot of fun to be around – but also prone to setting fire to things or exploding her experiments though, which was less fun. “Anya had a test in her late class. She’ll be here soon.”

Raven nodded wildly. “This Anya – does she drink?” Raven and Anya had yet to meet, but had seen each other in passing – usually if Raven happened to be dropping Clarke off at Lexa’s apartment.

“I doubt she appreciates it to near the extent that you do, Raven, but yes. She does partake in the activity.”

Raven held a hand up to Lexa’s mouth, making shushing noises. “Raven,” Clarke started to protest, rolling her eyes. “Hands off my soulmate.”

“You have to use small words when I’m drunk. It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Raven allowed, moving her hand away only to pat Lexa on the cheek.

Lexa licked her lips, making a face. “Aren’t you a genius?”

“Duh. But my vocabulary decreases by like – ninety percent when I’m drunk. Gives me a chance to feel how you people do all the time.”

“I’ll have you know that when I was your age, I was considered a genius as well,” Clarke said loftily.

Lexa grinned and kissed her cheek, acting the proud girlfriend. When she was young, there hadn’t been schools in her nation. She had picked up knowledge during her travels and formally attended a women’s university in the seventies, but in Trikru, all learning was from watching your parents. Or, if a child was lucky as Lexa had been, from a mentor or tutor. As the daughter of the Heda and as the future Heda, Lexa had had two. Indra taught her to be a warrior, and Titus had been of a more scholarly nature. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably at the thought of the man who had betrayed her. She hadn’t thought about him in years.

“Lexa?” Clarke nudged her, worried. “You okay?”

“Of course,” Lexa lied smoothly. “Just let my head wander for a minute.” Her phone vibrated at the opportune moment. “Anya’s here. I’ll go fetch her and get us some drinks, okay? Beer still good for you, love?”

“Yeah. I’ll keep an eye on the drunkard.” Clarke grinned up at her soulmate, lighter than Lexa often saw her, but was getting used to seeing more and more.

Lexa pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’ll be right back,” she promised before making her way into the crowd to find her friend. Lexa pushed all thoughts of Titus out of her mind, determined not to let him ruin this night and her plans for later. “Anya!” she called when she caught sight of the blonde.

Anya smirked and came over, a drink already in her hand. “Where’s your better half,” she teased. “I didn’t know you could separate for thirty seconds. You feeling alright? Need to sit down?”

“Shut up,” Lexa growled. “Just for that, you’re buying Clarke’s and my first round.”

“Shithead.” Anya pulled out her wallet and whistled for the bartender, immediately catching his attention.

He shuffled over to the girls, obviously trying to look suave. “Something for you ladies?” It came off as slimy.

“Two of whatever’s the best quality you’ve got on tap,” Lexa ordered.

“I’m on tap,” the boy wiggled his brows. Lexa grimaced.

Anya leaned forward, intimidating. “Listen up,” she looked down at his name tag, “Jasper. You look like your dumb henchman namesake, so I’m gonna give you this piece of advice for free. Women don’t appreciate _boys_ coming on to them. Cut it out or I’ll cut your balls out.”

The boy blushed deep red and mumbled something that might have been an apology before rushing away to get Lexa’s drinks. It was Lexa’s turn to smirk at Anya, who glared at her in warning. “Anya.”

“Don’t.” Jasper practically threw the alcohol at them, running away again.

“I didn’t know you were such a Disney nerd,” Lexa said cheerfully as they walked back to Clarke and Raven.

Anya growled. “They were big when I was a kid,” she muttered the excuse. “Couldn’t avoid them.”

“Suure,” Lexa drawled. “That’s adorable.”

“What’s adorable?” Raven’s shout interrupted them. “’Cause I’m adorable!”

Lexa looked over to where she thought Raven was, only to have to drag her eyes up since – for some reason – Raven was currently standing on her stool. Clarke was off to the side, shaking her head exasperatedly.

“This is your best friend?” Anya looked over at Clarke. “I thought you had better taste than that Sky Girl.”

“Oi, I am a delight,” Raven huffed, still inexplicably on top of her stool. “What’s with the nickname?”

“Grif in our language means sky or space,” Lexa explained. “It’s where the name of the fantastical creature the griffin originated.”

“Interesting. Hear that Griffin? You’re practically famous.” Raven ignored Clarke’s mutter of ‘I’m ecstatic’. “I’m Raven, by the way,” she introduced herself to Anya.

Anya didn’t take the offered hand. “I figured.”

Put out that Anya wasn’t shaking her hand, Raven shoved it closer, but her drunken balance had had enough, and she stumbled. “Whoops!” She fell off her perch – straight into Anya’s arms.

Anya froze, her eyes wide. Lexa expected her to toss Raven to the floor and was preparing herself to keep Anya from getting pushy with the other girl, but Anya didn’t move an inch.

“Fucking shit,” Raven mumbled, scrambling out of Anya’s hold to stare up her. “Holy shit.”

“What’s your problem?” Anya growled.

“You know exactly what. Shit, dude. Did you feel that?”

Anya rolled her eyes. “You’re drunk.”

“Not anymore,” Raven denied. “I am stone cold sober. And you, Miss Sexypants, are my –”

“God, shut up.” Anya interrupted Raven by surging forward, pressing her into the table with an overpowering kiss. Lexa chanced a glance at Clarke with that surprising development. Clarke was staring at the pair, her mouth open and eyes wide.

When the two girls broke apart, breathing hard, Raven was still for only a moment before she grabbed Anya’s hand. “Sorry to end the celebration early, Clarke. So proud of you. You too, Lex.” She pulled Anya away from the table. Anya only gave them a shrug and mocking salute before following Raven out of the bar.

“Well, then,” Lexa said.

“That was interesting,” Clarke agreed.

Lexa righted the stool Raven had fallen from, setting it down so she could sit next to her girlfriend. “Guess we’ve got the night to ourselves.”

Clarke took a sip of her beer and lay her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “Not a bad night.”

* * *

“That wasn’t how I expected tonight to go,” Clarke mused as she crawled into bed to lay next to Lexa.

“You mean our respective best friends being soulmates and ditching our night out to go have, in all likelihood, wild sex with one another?” Lexa asked dryly.

“Exactly.”

Lexa opened her arms for Clarke to snuggle into. “Since we’re on the subject of change, I’ve been meaning to ask you something, and now seems like a good time.”

Clarke hummed, questioning but sleepy. Lexa leaned off the bed to fish around in her discarded pants’ pocket, much to her soulmate’s displeasure. Clarke whined and prodded until Lexa finally found what she was looking for and was back in her original position. The blonde buried her face in Lexa’s neck, satisfied once more. Lexa grinned. Clarke was cuddly and clingy when she was tired. It was one of Lexa’s favorite things that she had discovered about her soulmate, besides her strength. She held the key she’d retrieved in the air in front of them.

“Clarke. Clarke, look.”

“What?” Clarke blinked her eyes open and caught sight of the key. Her mouth opened, then shut. She looked up at Lexa and back at the key. Then back at Lexa. “You – you want me to move in with you?” she asked, hesitant but hope shining in her eyes.

Lexa smiled softly down at her. “More than anything. I got this a month ago for you, but couldn’t figure out how to ask. With Anya and Raven being soulmates, it seems obvious now.” Tears appeared at the corners of Clarke’s eyes, and Lexa immediately dropped the key to comfort her soulmate. “Hey, hey,” she soothed, worried. “No crying, love. What’s wrong?”

Clarke shook her head. “Nothing,” she denied even as tears began to fall. “I’m just – happy. I’m happy,” she realized, almost disbelieving. “I never – I never thought this would be possible. That I’d find you, that you would want me, any of it. But I’m so, so happy.”

“Me too,” Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke softly. She picked up the key again. “Clarke Griffin, will you move in with me?”

“Of course.” Clarke leaned up to press another kiss to Lexa’s lips. “I would love too. I love _you_.” They both settled back down, Clarke now too excited to go to sleep right away. Instead, she started pressing kisses to every exposed inch of Lexa’s skin, pulling the collar of her shirt down a little to be able to reach more. Lexa made a pleased sound, her hand coming up to rest in Clarke’s hair. “You know that day when we argued?” Clarke asked in between kisses.

“Which one?” Lexa joked. The two soulmates had reached the stage where they were both comfortable enough in their bond to be able to bicker back and forth while knowing it meant nothing ominous for their relationship.

Clarke nipped her neck oh so gently in reprimand. “You know exactly which one.”

Lexa sighed. “I do. What about it?”

“You know how, before that, I said that I couldn’t get my brain to just shut up and accept that you were here to stay? And when you left –” Lexa felt a stab of pain and guilt go through her even now at how grossly she’d misinterpreted that argument and abandoned Clarke – even for a couple hours. “When you left, I was convinced you weren’t real and I’d finally lost my mind.”

“I remember,” Lexa agreed, voice tight with remorse.

Clarke kissed her neck again to show her girlfriend that she held no blame for her. “My head doesn’t do that anymore with you,” she confessed. “You’re not going to leave me.” Her voice was filled with wonder at the idea as well as relief that after all this time, she could let go of her fear and just love her soulmate.

“No, I am not,” Lexa vowed, holding Clarke tight against her. “Never.”

* * *

Lexa startled awake and darted her gaze around, trying to get her bearings. She was – in her old quarters in Polis? She hadn’t been to the capital of Trikru since she’d left over a century ago. But it looked like nothing had changed. She was in proper night clothes, furs covered her both above and below, and candles flickered in the corners – the only source of light.

Had the last hundred and thirty odd years been a dream? Where was Clarke? Was she even –

“She’s real,” Lexa whispered, trying to reassure herself. “This is a dream. I’m at home, in my apartment, sleeping next to Clarke. I’ll wake up, and Clarke will be there.” She closed her eyes tight, but when she opened them, she was still in Polis.

Lexa’s breathing quickened as she began to panic. She needed to wake up. Needed to see Clarke. This couldn’t be happening. Not when everything was starting to go so well for her and her soulmate. She tore out of her bed, looking for some clothes to put on. She was going to get to the bottom of this.

“Lexa!” the terrified scream tore Lexa out of her panic. She grabbed her sword – right where’d she left it all those years ago – and flung open her bedroom doors and ran into the hallway. Lexa cursed herself for choosing the top of a tower to make the Heda’s quarters once the Coalition was formed as she ran down the long flights of steps. She burst into the sunlight and open air, squinting as she tried to find the cause of the disturbance.

“Here, Heda,” a voice Lexa never thought she’d hear again directed her gaze.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed, simultaneously relieved and horrified. Clarke was never supposed to be here – much less in the position she was in right then. Titus held her, hand clutched tightly around Clarke’s neck and a gun digging into her side.

That didn’t make any sense. Trikru didn’t have firearms when Titus was alive – or even by the time Lexa had left her people. How had Titus gotten a hold of one?

“Lexa,” Clarke whimpered before Titus cut her off abruptly with a squeeze of her throat.

“Let her go, Titus!” Lexa yelled, brandishing her sword.

“I thought you had learned after your parents – after Costia,” Titus sneered, pressing harder against Clarke’s windpipe, making her choke in pain and fear. “Hodnes laik kwelnes, Alexandria. But I see now that you are no better than your mother – allowing such a vulnerability into your life.”

“It’s a vulnerability I’m willing to risk,” Lexa hissed. “Now let her go. I command you!”

Titus shook his head, tightening his grip on the gun. “This is for the good of our people.”

Several things happened at once. Lexa rushed her former advisor. Clarke elbowed Titus in the stomach, making him grunt and twitch in pain.

Then the gun went off. Lexa’s sword ran Titus through as Clarke dropped to the ground. Titus died with surprise still plain in his eyes. Lexa fell to her knees next to Clarke, hoping the bullet had missed and that her soulmate was unharmed.

Fortune was not in her favor. “No no no no no,” Lexa murmured frantically, trying to stop the blood from continuing to pour from Clarke’s stomach. “Clarke, please.”

“Lexa,” her soulmate whispered, blood appearing at the corner of her mouth. “Ai hod yu in. Remember. Hodnes laik uf.”

“Don’t leave me, Clarke,” Lexa begged. “This isn’t _real_ – this can’t be real! This is a dream. _Please_ , Clarke!”

“Lexa. Lexa!”

* * *

“Lexa!!” Clarke desperately tried to wake up her writhing soulmate. Tears were escaping Lexa’s closed eyes as she mumbled Clarke’s name, and Clarke held her tighter. “Come on, Lex. Wake up!”

Lexa’s eyes flew open, but her struggling only increased. “Let go of me. Let go!” Lexa finally broke out of Clarke’s protective hold, turning over.

“Lexa! What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong,” Clarke insisted.

Lexa scrabbled at the sheets, pulling them away from Clarke’s body. “I need to see,” she muttered. “I have to see.”

“See what, Lexa? Lexa!” Clarke yelled in reprimand as her girlfriend merely lifted up her shirt halfway, to be met with Clarke’s perfect, unblemished skin.

The brunette choked out a sob, bending down to press a kiss to Clarke’s stomach. “You’re okay,” she whimpered.

“I’m okay,” Clarke tried to reassure her. “Whatever happened, it was a dream Lex. I’m safe. You’re safe. We’re okay.” That only seemed to make Lexa cry harder as she wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist, burying her face in the blonde’s nightshirt. Clarke couldn’t do anything but gently run her fingers through Lexa’s wild hair and murmur what she hoped were soothing words to the crying girl. “You’re here with me, Lexa. In our apartment in Chicago. You’re safe, Lexa.”

Slowly, Lexa’s constant cries melted into periodic sobs and gasping for breath. “Clarke.” Even her voice sounded soggy.

Clarke reached for one of Lexa’s hands, gripping it tight in her own. “I’m right here, Lexa. Come up here. Please?”

It took Lexa a few minutes, but eventually she crawled up so she was laying on top of Clarke, face buried in the crook of her neck. “He hurt you,” she mumbled into her soulmate’s neck. “He killed you and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. First my nomon – then you.”

“Who did?” Clarke asked gently.

There was a pause – a hesitation. “Titus,” Lexa confessed.

Clarke tried to think back to what Lexa had told her about a man called Titus. She’d told Clarke pretty much her entire history back on the day they met, but Clarke had been in such emotional upheaval that she’d missed a lot of details. But – “He betrayed you,” she remembered. “What did he do?”

“Assassinated my mother by poison,” Lexa spat, her voice still rough from crying. “Then he hired a warrior from an enemy clan to kill me in my sleep. I killed the assassin, then executed him for being natrona.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke pressed a kiss to Lexa’s temple. “I’m so sorry that happened to you and that you had to kill people because of it. I know that had to have been hard for you, and I wish I could have been there to support you. But I’m here now, and it was only a dream. Don’t let a dead man hurt you anymore Lexa, please.”

“Titus believed love was weakness,” Lexa explained quietly, still buried in Clarke’s protective embrace. “He killed my mother because she accepted her soulmate. He thought it made her incapable of leading our people. Then, when I met Costia – I fell in love with her. Even though I knew it could never end well. After she met her soulmate I was alone again, and there was a period of time when I believed Titus. That love could bring me nothing but pain.”

Clarke sighed. “He was wrong, Lexa. I tried to stop caring as well, and all it did was make me even lonelier than I was. I was inches away from killing myself before I met Raven, and even then, I only decided to start living again when I met you. Loving you made me strong enough to want to live – not just survive. You deserve the same, Lexa, and don’t let that man convince you of anything else.”

“Losing you is my worst fear,” Lexa confessed, her voice muffled and barely audible.

“I’m finally learning to believe that you won’t leave me,” Clarke responded. “Now you just have to learn that I won’t leave you. It might take some time.”

“I’m willing to work on it.” Lexa finally looked up, giving her soulmate a tiny smile.

Clarke nodded vigorously. “Forever, if necessary,” she agreed, tilting to press a kiss to Lexa’s lips.

“Forever sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it and thought this was a fitting end for them. There are no plans for an epilogue, but I'm more than happy to answer any questions about their future you might have in the comments below or on my tumblr, 'fairytaleslayer'. Thanks again for sticking with this fic!


	5. Drabble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the Cubs won the World Series last year, chuckleshan woke me up at an ungodly hour the next morning asking for a drabble of the soulmates watching them win, since this story is based in Chicago and is Clarke's fictional hometown. I obliged, and it's been sitting on my computer since then, but I thought I'd post it just for funsies. It's a tiny little thing but enjoy.

The seventeen minute rain delay were some of the longest minutes of Clarke’s life. She and Lexa sat silently next to each other on the couch, anxiously waiting for the rain to stop falling from the sky. Clarke had grown up a diehard Cubs fan thanks to her father, who had made her promise that in the likely event that he ‘kicked the bucket’ – his words – before the Cubs were ever halfway decent again, she visit his grave and tell him about it. Clarke had already gone to the cemetery twice this year – more than any other previous years combined – to tell Jake how first the Cubs had made the playoffs, and then when they won their division to make it into the World Series.

Lexa, on the other hand, had inherited her love for Chicago’s team from Costia. The first time they had won the Series, Lexa had been living in Chicago for nearly two years, and had huddled around a radio to listen with Costia and the rest of her family in 1907. The next year, Lexa had managed to get her hands on two tickets from an acquaintance who owed her a large favor, and took Costia to see the team she had loved since infancy.

It was a Sunday, Lexa remembered. Fans were partially boycotting the series due to the Cubs’ owner’s participation in a ticket scalping scheme, but she knew Costia hadn’t cared. Luckily, it was the one game of the five game series that the Cubs won in Chicago, beating Detroit 6-1. Orval Overall pitched a complete game.

“If they blow this,” Clarke muttered as she stared at the scoreboard, the glowing double sixes looking like they were mocking her.

“They won’t,” Lexa reassured her.

“I was ten the last time they won. I don’t think I could stand another century of watching them suck.”

Lexa chuckled. “I was – well, I was almost two hundred. Barely knew what baseball was until Costia introduced it to me. Took her to see one of the games in 1908, even.”

Clarke whipped her head to the side to look at her soulmate, game temporarily forgotten. “Really? Which one?”

“Game two. They won.”

“Lucky. Dad took me to game three. Blew their lead in the sixth and never got it back. Dad never let me forget how upset I was that they lost when I was there, no matter that they won the series. Guess we just missed each other, though,” she smiled sadly.

Lexa nudged Clarke, bringing her back to the present. “We just waited the extra century to watch them win their third,” she teased, making Clarke huff. “Look, I think they’re coming back on.”

“Oh, thank god.” The two girls sat on the edge of their seats, cheering wildly as the Cubs scored first one, then two runs in the tenth inning before conceding the plate to Cleveland. Clarke groaned in agony as the Cubs gave up a run to the Indians with two outs. “Just finish it already!”

The next batter swung at his second pitch, sending it weakly down the third base line. He took off toward first.

“Come on, come on.”

The third baseman scooped it up, sending it perfectly to first base, where it was caught cleanly, recording the final out.

“Yes!” both girls yelled, hugging each other in celebration.


	6. Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got the urge to write some more of this soulmate AU, and I've been working on this the past couple weeks. It's all fluff guys, no more angst for this story!

“Are you excited to be back?” Clarke asked Lexa as they walked through Polis International Airport. “It’s been what – a hundred and twenty years since you left?”

“Give or take a few,” Lexa agreed, head going back and forth on a swivel as she tried to take everything in. She and Clarke had traveled to her homeland and would be staying for a month. Clarke had just graduated from medical school and had six weeks before she started her residency for general surgery. Lexa had published her latest novel a few months ago and had been itching to show Clarke her birthplace for a while, so they decided this was an ideal way to celebrate. “I already can’t believe how much it’s changed.”

“Babe,” Clarke chuckled, “we haven’t even left the airport.”

“I know!” Lexa grinned. “I didn’t think I’d be this happy to be back though.”

Clarke squeezed her soulmate’s hand. “Why didn’t you ever visit? I mean, if you missed it this much, why not come back? Anya’s said that your people still revered you when she left them, and that was seventy years after you went away.”

Lexa shrugged. “I never really considered coming back. I lead my people for a century and a half. I suppose I thought a clean break of it would be best. By the time I felt I wanted to come back, everyone I would have wished to see had already passed on, so I guess I needed someone to share it with.”

The blonde looked over at her and smiled. “I’m happy you wanted to share this with me. Even though you’ve told me everything, I think it’ll be good to actually see where you came from.”

Lexa leaned over and gave Clarke a quick kiss. “I’m glad too.” As they exited the airport and made for their rental car, Lexa idly fingered the small object in the pocket of her jeans. Things had been good between her and Clarke for a while now, their hiccups mostly things normal couples would bicker about. Clarke hadn’t had a breakdown in over a year, and even that one was mostly due to the blonde being overtired and stressed, which Lexa had been able to handle and soothe within the hour. They’d been together nearly five years now, and they had been the happiest of Lexa’s life.

She’d bought a ring two years ago, during Clarke’s second year of medical school. Raven – herself already married to Anya through a quick visit to a courthouse – had helped her pick it out. It was a simple silver band with a small sapphire surrounded by four white topazes inlaid into the metal to give it a smooth finish. Lexa wanted to be sure that it wouldn’t get caught on Clarke’s gloves when she was off being a successful surgeon. She had considered proposing right then, but Clarke was still so easily overwhelmed by too much change back then, so Lexa had decided to wait until she had graduated to ask Clarke to become her wife.

“So, what is Trigeda known for these days?” Clarke inquired, interrupting Lexa’s thoughts.

“Um, they have one of the largest nature conservancies in the world, and are a leader in renewable energy. They’ve moved on to democratic elections instead of blood inheritance, but the current leader is still known as the Commander,” Lexa described. “Every adult is required to train and serve in the military for three years following high school, after which the government will fund their education at the university of their choice, either in country or foreign. But they aren’t really known as a militant nation – in fact, they have one of the longest periods of continuous peace in the world.” Lexa was incredibly proud of all her people had accomplished since she had left them, and even if she’d never returned, she had kept close track of their doings over the years – particularly after the internet was invented and doing so became infinitely easier.

“It sounds like an amazing place. I can’t wait for you to show it to me.”

The line at the car rental was thankfully short, and soon Lexa and Clarke were being lead to their car. “Here you are, Miss Woods,” the clerk gestured.

Lexa paused at the sight of the Cadillac convertible in front of them, much more expensive than the sensible Toyota she’d reserved. “Uh – I don’t mean to be a bother, but this isn’t the car we rented,” she pointed out.

“We know,” the clerk smiled, “but Heda gets only the best. My manager insisted – unless, this isn’t to your liking. I can bring her, if you like?” he suggested anxiously.

“No, no,” Clarke interrupted, putting her hand on Lexa’s arm. “The car is fine, thank you. Lexa appreciates it.” She nudged her soulmate in the ribs.

Lexa grunted. “Yes, thank you, Eisen.”

The boy ducked his head in an almost half bow. “Pro, Heda. It is an honor.”

Once they were safely tucked into the far more luxurious car than Lexa had been anticipating, Clarke turned to Lexa with a small grin. “Guess you weren’t expecting to be famous huh? Haven’t even left airport premises and you’re already being recognized,” she teased gently. “My soulmate’s some kind of rock star.”

“I don’t – I – What –” Lexa stuttered, still thrown by what had just happened. “But – I left. I left them over a century ago and they still – remember. And they aren’t angry at me for abandoning them. You saw that right? That just happened?”

Clarke chuckled. “That did happen, Love. And you left them in good hands, you said it yourself. Aden was ready to be Commander.”

“Well, yes. But it’s still been a very long time, and I’ve kept a low profile. Clarke – they know what I _look_ like.”

Clarke burst out laughing, enjoying her soulmate and girlfriend’s consternation. She didn’t often get to see Lexa flustered, and the fact that she couldn’t seem to wrap her mind around this new situation was hilarious to the blonde. “Guess what, Lex?”

Lexa kept her eyes on the road, but took a deep, calming breath and tilted her head toward Clarke. “What?”

“You’re in their schools' history books. Hell, you’re probably an entire chapter.”

Lexa paled considerably. “Oh, god. You don’t think so?”

“Oh, I know so,” Clarke teased, flicking through her phone. “I found one of the textbooks online. It’s not just one chapter – you have three. Oh, look! There’s even a picture – well, portrait. I supposed you didn’t have cameras easily accessible back then. Since you _are_ so old,” she mocked.

While Lexa was glad that they had reached the point in their relationship that Clarke could tease her about the difference in ages without feeling crushing guilt any longer, she did not appreciate it being used against her in this instant. “Alright, could you not? Please? I don’t need a heart attack on the first day coming back,” she moaned. “This was supposed to be a quiet trip – just you and me. Now people might be recognizing me everywhere on the streets. It will be mayhem.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

* * *

Clarke had been bugging Lexa to pull over for a while and jumped out of the car the instant Lexa put it into park, not even waiting for her to turn it off. “Wait, Clarke,” she called futilely.

“Come on, Lex. I want to stretch my legs,” Clarke ducked down to smile at her soulmate. “We were on a plane for eight hours and we’ve just been in the car for another two. We can eat later I just want to walk around a bit. It’s so pretty here.”

Lexa sighed happily, watching the blonde explore the grassy area they’d stopped in. She hadn’t thought introducing Clarke to where she grew up would be such a relief. It had taken a long time for Clarke to let go of the lingering guilt of leaving Lexa alone for so long through no fault of her own, and then almost rejecting her when they’d finally met. To be able to show Clarke that she had not felt abandoned or wasted her life while she was alone brought Lexa joy and a sense of fulfillment. Another chapter of their lives that they could close. Lexa’s hand went back to the front of her pants pocket, checking that the ring was still there. She considered doing it here, in one of Trigeda’s many national parks, but she discarded the idea. Lexa had a better place in mind.

“Hey, Lexa! Come here!” Clarke called from where she was standing by some kind of monument. Lexa jogged over to see what had caught Clarke’s attention. “Do you remember this?”

“The monument?” Lexa slipped an arm around Clarke’s waist, pulling her closer. “No.” It was interesting, to be sure – a metal tree with wire thin branches forming a beautiful, tangled mess. But Lexa had never seen it before.

“Not the statue, dork. Read,” Clarke ordered.

Oh. Lexa looked at the plaque:

_The spring of 1766 saw the end of the Clan Wars. With the death of Nia of the Azgeda Clan, new King Roan bowed to Alexandria kom Trikru and the Twelve Clans, marking the beginning of Heda Alexandria’s reign as Commander of the Thirteen Clans. She would act as the first and only Heda for one hundred and thirty-four years to the new nation of Trigeda, overseeing a peace that lasts to this day because of her strength of will. This statue remains as a symbol of her rule – the thirteen branches and all their descendants joined at the trunk, thirteen clans protected and looked after by their Commander. Each newly elected Commander will swear in front of this monument to uphold the pillars of our Heda: to rule with strength, wisdom, and compassion._

“Wow,” Lexa murmured. “I had no idea. Anya probably didn’t want me getting a big head.” She glanced at her soulmate. “Clarke, are you crying?”

Clarke wiped her eyes quickly. “I just – you’re amazing, you know? I don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life, let alone as my soulmate. People still idolize you here, but I get to know and love who you really are, and that’s some kind of miracle.”

Lexa didn’t know what she could say to that so she merely pressed a kiss to Clarke’s temple and led her away from the monument and deeper into the valley. “I remember this place, now,” she revealed. “Before Azgeda submitted to my rule, this is where Nia challenged me. She was going to force her son to fight against me, but I goaded her into taking me on her own. It wasn’t a difficult battle. Even though we were close to the same age, she’d rejected her soulmate and was physically decades older than me. I didn’t make a show of executing her, although people called for it. Her son, Roan, knelt in deference to me right here,” she stopped Clarke in the middle of a shallow dip in the valley. “We planned his coup against Nia for almost a year. There were so many times it nearly went wrong, but we succeeded. Sometimes, it seems like it happened to a different person. In another life.”

“I am eternally in awe of you,” was Clarke’s simple reply as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist and buried her face in her chest. “And proud.”

Lexa kissed the top of Clarke’s head, keeping her in the embrace for a while longer. “There’s one more place I wish to show you,” she whispered eventually.

* * *

Lexa marveled at the changes the capitol city of Polis had undergone in the last century. Still just as full of people, but apartments and skyscrapers had replaced huts and tents, the streets were paved and lined with lights, and cars zipped past in place of horses. Lexa had to blink away images of the past before she got them into an accident. Then, she caught sight of it. “Clarke, look. Over there is Polis Tower, the Commander’s place of residence for the last two hundred and fifty years.” She hadn’t seen what used to be her home in over a century.

“Damn, it’s still standing?”

“Of course,” Lexa grunted, mock offended. “We made our buildings to last, back then. Brick and mortar, none of this – metal and glass.”

Clarke let out a happy squeal of laughter and Lexa shifted in her seat, proud of herself. “Look at you. Who knew you were such an old codger about things?”

“I am not,” Lexa retorted. “Some things are best left as they are though. And you’re one to talk. Tell me – when did you get your first cell phone?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes in a glare. “The year before I met you,” she eventually grumbled.

Lexa chuckled. “Uh-huh. And then only because Raven forced you so she could keep a better eye on you.”

“Fine, fine. You win. We’re both old codgers,” the blonde conceded. “So with your Tower, are we actually visiting it or are we just passing by?”

It would seriously upset Lexa’s plans if they weren’t allowed into Heda’s Tower. “Hopefully inside. There’s something I want to show you.” She pulled into the visitor parking area and got out of the car to open the passenger door for Clarke.

“No matter how fast I am,” Clarke said, shaking her head. Even after five years, she was still surprised at every demonstration of Lexa’s chivalry. Her soulmate spent over a century in complete service to others – it was ingrained in her, at this point – but after seventy years avoiding close human contact whenever possible, Clarke still wasn’t used to allowing it. It had taken nearly a year for Lexa to help her stop looking at it as a favor for favor exchange and just accept that Lexa simply wanted to make Clarke’s life a little easier where she could. “Someday you’ll let me play the gentleman,” she teased.

Lexa blushed faintly. “You save lives as your career,” she retorted. “At least let me do this.”

“I thought you told me it wasn’t a competition.”

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke,” Lexa muttered, glaring just a little.

“Oh, shove it, Heda.”

Despite outward appearances, Lexa was internally delighted by Clarke’s playing. It had taken a lot of work to bring it out of the blonde at the beginning of their relationship. Lexa had her own reticence to openness at first, but Clarke was on another level. The blonde had been terrified that Lexa could be taken from her at any moment, or that if she pushed too far, Lexa would leave of her own free will. Now, Clarke was comfortable in their bond, reassured by the stability Lexa’s constant presence offered.

As they approached the heavy oaken doors that were the entrance to the Tower, Lexa could already tell that she’d been recognized. She took a deep breath, readying herself for some type of fanfare. Instead, the two men guarding the entryway merely pushed open the doors, bowing and muttering, “Heda,” respectfully as she and Clarke passed.

“Heda Alexandria!” A woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties and in uniform walked quickly over to them, obviously forewarned of their arrival. “It’s a delight to have your presence in the Tower after all this time.” She was effusive in tone, appearing genuinely thrilled to meet her nation’s former leader.

“Please,” Lexa glanced at her nametag, “Caris. It’s just Lexa Woods now. I haven’t been Heda Alexandria in a very long time.”

Caris blushed, looking chastised. “Of course, Miss Woods. My apologies. Commander Tris has been informed of your visit and sends her regret that she is required at the Foreign Council Meeting in Tokyo for the remainder of the week. The Commander would have invited you to a private dinner with her, if she had known of your arrival beforehand,” Caris explained.

“To be frank, I didn’t expect – nor want – my return to be an event,” Lexa admitted. “But tell Commander Tris I appreciate the thought.”

“Yes, Miss Woods.”

“And I’d like to introduce you to my soulmate, Doctor Clarke Griffin,” Lexa said proudly.

Caris’ eyes took on a positively gooey quality. “Oh, you found her!” she gushed.

Lexa chuckled. “I most certainly did.”

“Pardon me for being rude,” Caris said hesitantly. “It’s just – we’ve always been concerned with your welfare, where you’ve been – can I ask how long ago? Trigeda always hoped, you know? That you would get your chance to truly live. And everyone will be so pleased that she found you, Doctor Griffin, but you don’t look much older than eighteen.”

Clarke managed a small laugh, feeling a bit overwhelmed by everything, despite her teasing Lexa earlier. “No, hopefully we look about twenty-three,” she acknowledged. “It’s been a little more than five years now, hasn’t it Love?”

“Sha, Hodnes,” Lexa replied agreeably. “Now, Caris – I do have a reason for being here and a request.”

“Of course, Miss Woods! Commander Tris has ordered for you to be accommodated in every way.”

“I understand that the Commander will have taken possession of it, but I’d wondered if it would be possible for Clarke and me to see my former quarters,” Lexa asked politely. “There is something I wish to show Clarke.”

Caris nodded vigorously. “Certainly, Miss Woods. But you are mistaken. No Commander has ever resided in Heda’s living quarters. They are still yours, and almost exactly as you left them.”

“Oh. Excellent,” Lexa said, surprised. “Do we need an escort or is it alright for me to take Clarke up myself? I promise I remember the way.”

“No, of course,” Caris assured them. “Go right on up and take your time. I’ll make sure security knows you’ll be up there.”

“Thank you, Caris,” Clarke said sincerely as they left her. The woman had been genuinely helpful, kind, and respectful, making Lexa’s return to her old home easy, which Clarke was grateful for.

They got in the elevator and Lexa selected the top floor. “You know, it used to take two guards to run the elevator by hand,” she mentioned.

“You had an _elevator_ in the eighteenth century?”

Lexa shrugged. “A crank one, yes. It went through the space between the spiral stairs. I don’t remember who thought of it, but he spent an entire summer in the – sixth year of my reign overseeing its construction. We were certainly not the first nation to come up with the idea – they used them at the Coliseum in Rome, if I remember right – but it made my daily life easier.”

“Wow. Color me impressed.”

The top floor of the Tower was deserted, not even any guards in sight. “It’s just through here.” Lexa took Clarke’s hand and led her to the middle door on the right.

“What are all the other rooms for?” Clarke asked.

“Decoy bedrooms to fool assassins, a room for the guards to spend time in when I wasn’t in my room but still in the Tower. Mostly decoys, though.”

Clarke’s grip on her hand tightened exponentially, making Lexa hiss. “You didn’t mention assassination attempts,” she growled. “How many, besides the one hired by Titus?” Her tone warned that the answer better be zero.

“One.” Lexa winced when Clarke whirled on her, and hurried to continue. “But he didn’t even make it up here. He was stopped by my guards on the first floor, long before I was in any danger. I was generally well-liked. I’m right here with you, Clarke,” she reassured gently.

Clarke nodded firmly, taking a breath to settle herself. “Yes, you are. Now. Show me where you used to sleep.”

“Trying to get me into bed, Clarke?” Lexa teased.

The blonde shoved her soulmate, barely managing to move her an inch. “You’ve been antsy all day, don’t think I haven’t noticed,” she warned. “So whatever it is, you might as well get it over with before one of us freaks out.”

Lexa took a deep breath. “If you insist. Right through here.”

Clarke gasped as they entered Lexa’s old rooms. “It’s gorgeous, Lex,” she breathed. A four poster bed dominated the room, neatly made up. Couches faced each other with an intricately carved wooden table that matched the bed frame sitting between them. Clarke could see holding places for where candles would have been strategically arranged to act as the main source of light centuries ago. “More decadent than you are now.”

“Yes, well. Needs must. You used to be able to see the whole of Polis from my balcony. I kicked one of the Azgeda ambassadors off of a balcony once. Not this one, my war room’s.”

“You didn’t.”

Lexa grinned. “No. But I considered it many times over the years until he finally retired. I imagine the horizon has changed some since I’ve left. Would you like to see?” Lexa gestured to one of the doors leading from the room.

“Sure.” Lexa led them out onto the small landing. Clarke was immediately enraptured by the view. “Your city is beautiful, Lexa.”

“It always was. But I’ve got a better view these days.”

Clarke shook her head. “Flatterer.” She looked over at her soulmate and her hand immediately went to cover her mouth. “Oh god.”

Lexa smiled at her soulmate from where she knelt on one knee, glint of silver in her hand. “I’ve had two years and more to consider how I wanted to do this. I made and discarded elaborate plans, romantic ones. I wondered if I should do this alone or with our friends around us. I thought about when the right time would be. But –” she glanced around, “– I wanted to be here. Where I used to stand, alone above the world, and have you stand with me – where you would have been had the world allowed us to be with each other sooner. But now here you are, and I’d like to think I know you well enough by now to know that you don’t want any fanfare for this. So, Doctor Clarke Griffin, my hodnes, my soulmate – will you marry me?”

Hand still over her mouth and tears streaming down her cheeks, Clarke collapsed to her knees in front of Lexa, nodding frantically. “Yes, yes, yes, of course I will,” she babbled. Her hand was shaking as Lexa slipped on the ring before sweeping the blonde up in her arms.

“I love you,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke clung to the brunette’s shoulders, her legs finding their place loosely wrapped around Lexa’s thighs. “I love you, too. Rest of our lives.”

“Forever,” Lexa promised.


	7. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke discuss the possibilities of children
> 
> Or
> 
> Lexa absolutely does not freak out over the size of baby clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was pretty much dared to write this. You know who you are. Smidgen of emotionalness at the beginning, but it's mostly just 1500 words of happy fluff.

“We need to talk.”

“We really don’t.”

“I think we do. Because you said no.”

“You’re right. I said no. And that generally means no. What else is there to discuss?”

“Why you said no. Because you didn’t give me a reason why you don’t want this to happen. And, Clarke,” Lexa sighed, “if this is _truly_ something you don’t want, if this is something that will cause you to spiral, then we don’t ever have to talk about it again. But I think you do want this. And I want it _so_ badly. So we’re going to talk.” Clarke refused to make eye contact, so Lexa dropped to her knees in front of the couch to meet her gaze. “My love, just talk to me,” she pleaded. “After the last fifteen years, do you still trust me so little?”

Clarke grabbed her hand, holding it tight. “Of course not, Lex,” she denied. “It’s just – if something happened – if we – I don’t think I can get past that fear.”

The choppy words said more about Clarke’s state of mind than Lexa needed. “I understand that you are afraid. But you were afraid of me at first too, and look where we are now. We’re probably two of the oldest if not the oldest people in the world, and I don’t know if that’s good or bad when it comes to maybe raising a child. However, I want to give this a try. And I can’t imagine how that would make you feel after everything you went through with your parents –” Lexa stopped herself before she started tripping over her tongue and made Clarke feel worse. “Clarke, just because a terrible thing happened to both of our parents doesn’t mean we are doomed to a cosmic fate. I for one, am looking forward to seventy, eighty more years with you, whether or not children are in the mix.”

The blonde bit her lip, nodding along to what Lexa was saying. “I want it so much,” she finally admitted in a whisper. “But I don’t ever want them to be left alone. You can’t promise me that we won’t leave them on their own.”

“Neither of us knows what the future will be Clarke,” Lexa agreed. “But I think a child would be much better for having you as a mother, even if it was only for a little while. And what if everything goes perfectly? What if we _do_ get six or seven decades more? Imagine how much we’d be able to love our child in that amount of time. How much _I_ will love you in that time. You are so much more courageous than you believe, Clarke. Be brave with me?”

Clarke allowed herself to fall into Lexa’s arms and they stayed that way, kneeling on the ground, until legs began to stiffen up from disuse. “I can try,” she eventually whispered.

* * *

They decided that not forcing the stresses of a pregnancy on the both of them the first time they tried parenting would be best for their mental health. So Clarke and Lexa filed the paperwork necessary to become emergency foster parents. They weren’t called on often, but several children moved through their home in the next year – temporary placements before they went back to their parents or were given to other relatives once they were found and deemed suitable. And with each child – no matter if it was for a night or several weeks – that left their house safe, happy, and healthy, Lexa watched Clarke breathe a little deeper and relax a little more.

Eventually, a precocious little four year old came to their doorstep after being removed from his father’s abusive influence and never left.

“I want him,” Clarke said abruptly one afternoon while Taylor was down for his nap. “He’s perfect.”

Lexa grinned, thrilled to hear what she’d been hoping for for weeks. Not wanting to rush Clarke, or make her feel like she was forcing her to reach a decision, she’d kept quiet. “I think so too,” she agreed happily.

The adoption papers were filed the next day, and six months later, Taylor was theirs. The process was a little more straightforward as he was already their foster child, but Clarke and Lexa still breathed a sigh of relief when it was finalized.

The first time he yelled “Mommy!” at the top of his lungs, Clarke cried tears of joy before welcoming him into her arms.

* * *

“Oh spirits, they’re so tiny,” Lexa barely breathed, staring at the miniscule items. “Have they gotten smaller over the years I don’t understand.”

Clarke chuckled, hoisting Taylor further up her hip. At six, he was getting a little big to be held all the time, but Clarke still felt most comfortable with him in hers or Lexa’s arms when they were in public places. It didn’t help that he fell asleep at the drop of a hat and found the nearest place to curl up in, scaring the shit out of his moms more than once when he suddenly disappeared from sight. “If anything, I think they’ve gotten bigger Lex.”

Lexa looked up from the baby onesie she was inspecting. “I do not remember them being this small. Aden was never this small.”

“You met Aden when he was four, same as Taylor. Of course he was bigger,” Clarke reminded her, still smiling fondly at her soulmate. The bump was just barely visible in Lexa’s stomach, and Clarke spent a good amount of time every day touching and talking to it, hardly able to believe that a child made of both of them was in there. Given the science behind it, it was guaranteed to be a girl – not that that affected their decisions very much. But apparently, Lexa was stuck on the size the baby would be when she finally decided to make an appearance.

Lexa just shook her head. “That’s true, but this – this is ridiculous,” she declared. “How do they survive being that tiny?”

“They grow pretty fast.”

“Are they this small in your unit?”

Clarke rested her hand around Taylor’s head, keeping it in place while he wriggled in his sleep for a moment, pressing a kiss to his curls when he was done. “Sometimes. Not often. Newborns usually are in the NICU when they’re at the hospital. Maybe for some photo treatment but that’s about it. My youngest patients are usually toddlers.”

Lexa’s hand came up to rest on her bump, stroking it absentmindedly. She had immediately offered to be the one to undergo the IVF procedure, knowing that the storm of hormones a pregnancy caused would potentially send Clarke spinning, and Lexa wanted to keep this journey as smooth as possible for her.

She’d never imagined herself pregnant, however she found she enjoyed most parts of it. Clarke was a bit of a hoverer but Lexa loved it. It was uncommon now for them to be in separate rooms when they were both home – not that it was fairly common before, either. Clarke was also always touching some part of her. The back of her neck, her belly, her shoulders, anything she could reach, really. And Lexa was eating it up. She hadn’t thought she could be any happier than when she finally found her soulmate, but the addition of Taylor and anticipation of another child had proved her wrong.

“They’re just – very small people. A very small person is going to come out of me,” she said, flabbergasted. She saw something else and snatched them up. “Look at these shoes! They are like, three inches long! Why do tiny people need shoes? They can’t walk anywhere! And these pockets!” Now pants were being thrust in Clarke’s amused face. “Why do babies need fully functioning pants pockets when what passes for female clothing in this century has pockets sewn shut? Am I supposed to store my things in the baby’s pockets? Explain that to me, Clarke.”

Clarke’s uninhibited laughter woke up their son. “Mama,” he whined tiredly, reaching out for Lexa.

Immediately distracted from her rant, Lexa softened and took Taylor from her soulmate. “ _Os sonop_ , my handsome little man,” she murmured and pressed a kiss to his nose.

Taylor wrinkled the offended body part before grinning up at his mom. “Baby things?” he asked, looking around with interest.

“Yep,” Clarke confirmed. “See anything you like for the baby, Tay?” The boy scanned the aisled for a second before gleefully pointing out a shirt in his favorite green color.

“That one!”

Both mothers tilted their heads at the ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish’ shirt. “I don’t think I’m Irish,” Clarke said. “And I _know_ you aren’t.”

Lexa shrugged. “Eh, it’ll be funny later. Just get it in a slightly bigger size for her to wear in a few months when it's warmer and I'll get Anya super drunk and confuse the hell out of her.”

They went home with the Irish shirt and a pair of shoes Lexa _still_ couldn’t get over the size of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someday, chuckleshan will let me let go of this story. But not this day.


End file.
